§ ¶"We just wanted to defen..blahblahblah"

Heh

Two guys come up with an idea, and girls rip it off.

Can't be original girls?

girls-suck!

§ ¶The one where women attack me for my opinions, and attempt to get a rise out of me.

More reader mail, male, mail, male.

Heather on Wednesday, December 13, 2000 at 15:14:28

§ ¶Reader Mail

Letter Time.

jen (jen@digitalrice.com) on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 at 15:24:41

§ ¶Quit bringing up guys you've fucked.

Never mention your ex-boyfriends.

I don't care if he just won the kentucky derby, I really don't feel like hearing about any thing that you and him have done before. I don't mean to be uncaring but I just don't want to know.

-p2

§ ¶Girls like accents

Girls like accents

Okay, yeah, nothing really new to this idea. Girls simply like accents. I think it's just the thought of it being someone with different views from a different land, and it excites them (deservedly so, those brits are so 'exotic') :P

The following are accents that work especially well. Try 'em out and tell me how long it takes you to nab the girl of your dreams:

• "Crazy taxi driver"-
  Girls like adventure, and they like a man with his own vehicle, combine them both and mix that in a pot with the inability to not understand a word he says and you've got one aroused girl. When in doubt, mumble / babble about "traffic is like a mule." or "$5 my ass, I say $8."
• "Drunken redneck"-
  Girls like a man who the know will protect them, and nothing says lovin like a man who drinks home a bloody animal corpse nightly for her to cut and cook! Woooooo-eeeeeeeee! Popular quotes / phrases to use with this accent include "Yer lookin at my woman!" and "Get the fuck away from that pick-em-up-truck."
• "Dirty old man"-
  Girls like a man with experience- so what better way to speak than as a dirty old man!? No quotes needed for this one, think of some for yourselves.

These are just a few of the many accents that will drive the girls crazy. Be careful how you use them though, a bed can only hold so many people at once.

please note: the stuff before, yeah, complete bullshit. Don't use those accents- and if you're one of the sad souls who naturally sounds like any of those ....good luck.

§ ¶Storm on the waters

Wanna know what I find most amusing? How women can go from their 'stupid' mode [doing silly things like getting upset over nothing, reading too much into something, etc] to their 'normal' mode within a heartbeat.

Usually that means that you weren't that mad in the first place.

If that's true, all I have to say is. Why the fuck do you even go into 'stupid' mode? Why not just stay in 'normal' mode and keep both people happy and the relationship on the level.

But instead you insist on making the waters all stormy. Why?! For the love of jebus, why?

And I know..those women who're reading this don't know..because I've asked every good girl friend I've had about this..and they don't know either. But goddamnit, figure it out women you don't know how much agony and other unncessary shit it does to us men.

p3

§ ¶hrm, wait a second.

Okay guys, Let's not blindly rip the girls here.

We complain, and bitch, and mock the ladies cause well, we can. heh.

But it's not like everyday we wake up wish sunshine ready to exude on to our females. Alot of times we just want to wake up and get through our day.

Women don't seem to understand this. As if every second of our day needs to atest to our undying devotion, and no matter how much you care about your girl, you just can't adore her every second without having a stroke.

It's just science here.

60% of men have strokes cause of their woman thinking they don't care about them enough.

Now, this isn't a definitive study considering I made it up, but that doesn't change the point.

Women need to leave us alone for awhile so that we can miss them.

Although don't leave us alone because YOU have a life. That would ruin the point!

Man, we suck too....

-p2

§ ¶Sentimental Chocolate

I hate Christmas time.

If you are in a relationship, this is the time in which you have to purchase a gift for your significant other. You are required to spend at least $100. That is quite an inflated ammount this day and age. I remember buying a girl a chocolate flower for christmas in 5th grade. If I would have known what I was getting myself into then, I would have eaten the flower myself.

You see, The key to a Christmas gift is "Sentimental Value."

sen·ti·men·tal (snt-mntl)

adj.

Characterized or swayed by sentiment.

Affectedly or extravagantly emotional.

Resulting from or colored by emotion rather than reason or realism.

Appealing to the sentiments, especially to romantic feelings: sentimental music.

So, a sentimenal gift basically means that it has to serve NO PURPOSE

It cannot serve any fuction whatsoever. Can't help you do anything, can't serve any entertainment value, can't have any purpose at all except to be cherished.

Everyone just give your significant other chocolate!

-p2

§ ¶dangerous

she said, it's kind of a long story. stop right there, i said.

p4

§ ¶mother nature

mother nature is a female, obviously. i think this is why a clear, sunny day can suddenly, without warning, and for no apparent reason turn black and stormy. but i'm sure it somehow gets blamed on father nature.

p4

§ ¶Bye bye Miss. American Pie

Women, what. the. fuck. do. you. do. that. for?

Why do you insist on taking whatever we say, twisting it around, and then making us look like the bad guys when more often than not we were just answering whatever question you asked if. If you don't want to know the real answer, don't fucking ask it!

And another thing. I've had a bunch of women e-mail me (look to the left) and they all say they have no idea why they [women] do such stupid things. So if you know they're dumb, why the fuck do you keep on doing them? Just stop for chrissake. More often than not your actions and words will fuck up a perfectly good thing.

But no..now it's pretty much too late. She asks why I've been 'distant', mainly because I'm gone for the holidays and busy with school. And then..then she asks what's wrong. So I tell her what is bothering me, and like usual she takes it the wrong way. So please, women around the world, don't take anything we men say as anything but face-value. Believe me if there's some sort of 'hidden' meaning behind it, we'll be so fucking blatent about it you won't have any choice but to know what it is we're trying to say, we can't be anything but blunt.

And so goes another pretty damned good relationship. Ruined once again by a woman.

p3

§ ¶What is going on with women?

What is going on with women?

Women try to pass themselves off as complex creatures. They do this by playing mind games. It is cruel, but it is how they get what they want. For instance, if a woman wants a diamond ring on that left ring finger, she will tell you that she is pregnant. It seems like a roundabout way to solicit an engagement, I know. But that is how the Female Mind works. Another example: Your date wants you to leave a party. Instead of saying, I think this party is boring, and I hate to see you get drunk. Let's go home and I'll swallow your rocketsauce, they say, I have a headache. Of course, you think, Well, you just need to drink more, bitch. Then, after pouting for three hours while you shoot pool, shoot cans with a gun, or shoot up, whatever it may be that you do for fun, you head out for the night, thinking all is well. After all, she hasn't said a word in three hours, right? Wrong. The instant your ass hits the car seat, she tells you about why you are such a jerk for ignoring her, not listening to her, etc. So how were you to know? You weren't. So, for your own good a WomanEnglish-to-ManEnglish translator. Commit this to memory, or you will never have sex again.

• I have cramps = I am going to be mad at you for absolutely no reason, whatsoever.
• I'm on the rag = I cannot participate in the act of coitus with you right now because I recently fornicated with someone else and his man-fluid is currently running along the side of my thigh.
• I have a headache = 1. No sex for you, I get plenty from my History prof. 2. I hate your friends. 3. You are in trouble.
• Let's just be friends = You suck in bed. I am going to fuck your brother.
• I think we should see other people = You suck in bed. I am going to fuck your best friend.
• I love you like a brother = You need to trim your nostril hair and lose 100 lbs.
• I love you like a sister = Your only lot in life is to listen to me bitch about the assholes that I choose to fuck.
• I don't have casual sex = You have to take me to a VERY expensive restaurant and pay for my $100 lobster that I won't eat before I will even consider sleeping in the same state as you.
• I think I'm pregnant = Marry me, and the pregnancy will magically disappear.
• I've only been with n men = I have been with n¹⁰ men. And I swallowed their loads.
• I don't do drugs = Once, I snorted a yard of coke through a garden hose.
• I don't like it when you drink = I don't want you to have fun.
• You spend too much time with your friends = Come to my tupperware party.
• I don't think you love me like you used to = Buy me new things.
• Do I look fat in this dress? = I want to argue.
• I wish you weren't so immature = I would rather screw the bedpost than you.

Read this. Live by it. Women are always so surprised when you call their silly little bluffs. Once we men can all figure this out, the world will be a better place.

p2

§ ¶Just a walking oxymoron

Just an oxymoron

And now..you disappear?

Almost like..you were here, but weren't. And of course whenever you do finally re-appear you'll act as if nothing ever happened and as if I'm never supposed to question where you were.

And yet, if we men were to do the same thing, you'd throw the biggest fit in the world. Wondering where we are, what we've been doing, and/or if we've been faithful. And yet if we were to sit there and ask the same things of you, you'd immedietly assume we didn't trust you and then you wouldn't trust us anymore and the entire relationship would fall thru.

So why the hell do you women insist on continuing being a walking oxymoron?

p3

§ ¶forever is relative

the worst part of perfect, never-ending relationships is the end.

p4

§ ¶Told ya so.

PROOF

SEE! GIRLS INFACT............. sssssssssuck!

-p2

§ ¶Cheap tricks

Cheap tricks to work into conversation with females.
As always, use of these are not our responsibility, and we do not directly suggest or condone or whatever blah blah blah...

1: Say casual things like "I'd like that," but change them around so it contains some sort of personal attachment: "I'd love to do that with you."

2: Take an interest in their lives, and remember things. This is a lot easier if you're naturally interested in their lives (or them), but if not, pretty easy to fake, just have a decent memory for the details.

3: Don't lie. Yes, this is a trick, because, well, we're male, and we tend to feel the need to bullshit. Don't. Don't don't don't.

4: If your goal is to get their hearts, in place of the word 'like' use 'love'. And in this case de-personalize what you're saying, ie: "I absolutely love that about you" ...has just the same effect (nearly) as saying "I love you," but takes all the responsibility out of it.

5: Always be the first to end the conversation. Whether in person, or over the phone/etc, always be the one who has to go or has to 'take care of something,' this makes you less dependant on her, and doesn't give her all the control over it.

I've seen this done by both sexes, so don't start complaining to me. And no, I don't use these. If I like someone, I say so, if I love someone, I say so. Lies and mindgames are pointless in the end. This is just a guide to those who might like to use this method.

Good day.

§ ¶Sorry means you'll never do it again. pt 3

"'Sorry' means you'll never do it again." part 3.

Probably the most interesting stage of the 'post-sorry' action is the wondering if there was anything that you could have done to have stopped it from happening (the event that prompted a 'sorry') or if there was anything that they could have done to not make it get to the point.

In this case, if you're the one saying the sorry, then you're the one that could have stopped it.

And people only say sorry if they know they've been caught and feel bad about it.

You never see a litle kid run up to a parent and apologize for taking a cookie that was never noticed to be gone- they only apologize when caught over their head; in a situation where they have to take responsibility instead of taking the child-like response of just trying to hide from it.

This being said, Girls-suck will now return (hopefully) to it's previous humorous content, and no longer keep up this constant bitching.

And to all the readers who have had to put up with my shit these last couple days, I'm sorry.

§ ¶Sorry means you'll never do it again. pt 2

"'Sorry' means you'll never do it again." part 2.

"Sorry" also indicates regret about what you've done, and a wanting for an outcome to be different. When you're the one making the choice, and then say 'sorry', it's probably once again just something to make you feel less guilty.

But then again, that's what life is all about- minimizing the guilt we feel while lying to ourselves and saying that the people we hurt aren't really so bad off that we lied to them or that we're gone from their lives.

It's all about lying to ourselves, really. And then lying again saying that we're not lying, and that what we want to be the truth, is. It's like the people who tell you that advertising doesn't change them, yet the marketers are spending billions on it, so it's obviously working. ...but no, it doesn't change us, we bought the latest trend because we like it, not because we were cleverly told to.

Now to jump back on topic....

Saying sorry is not only a promise to the other person, but a promise to yourself that you will do everything in your power not to let the situation happen again.

§ ¶Sorry means you'll never do it again. pt 1

"'Sorry' means you'll never do it again." part 1.

There's a simple rule that I've always taken pride in living by when dealing with mistakes: "'Sorry' means you'll never do it again."

It revolves around the principle that if someone is actually sorry about what they've done / said / whatever, that they would do everything in their power to never let it happen again. And the same lines as "Don't say things unless you mean them"- another one I hold as very important.

Needless to say, we've all said it and heard it a million times and not put that much importance into the intent.

What I wonder is, why do we even say it? Do we just spit it out as fast as possible to try to stop any bad feelings that the person we've wronged may have? Do we say it to quiet our own feeling of guilt that would slowly build if we didn't?

Either way, the only people who are actually sorry are the ones who never hurt you as bad as the last time, and it gets progressively easier, not worse.

This is part 1.

§ ¶Sorry means you'll never do it again. pt 0

For the ease of reading of our, well, readers, I've decided to take control back of Girls-suck.

The next week or so (with the cooperation of the other posters here), only I will update. I want to keep it going at a regular update interval, and I plan on doing a theme week. ...which is why I need to be the only one to update- so it doesn't get pushed off track or so the message(s) don't get obscured.

This is my tribute to you.

So, for the record, this is p1, Doug Stewart. Back and biting.

§ ¶Misinterperting... everything?

God, you women are well..so fucking weird sometimes.

i've said it before and I'll say it again. At least we men are easy to figure out in our stupidity.

But you women..good friggin lord. You get so pissy when we say/do something wrong. Then if you do the exact same thing, and we get upset, you act like the world is ending and/or we're such terrible horrible people for misinterperting something.

grr..it's just really, really, really fucking annoying.

so stop it, all of you women. I'm sure us men would greatly appreciate it.

-p3

§ ¶indeed they do

One time I was with a girl, and she said that she would always love me.

Now she doesn't.

Girls lie.

-p2

§ ¶She likes me, she likes me not

And now to wonder why, oh why?

Why is it that whenever you start dating a woman, inevitebly another girl-friend you know comes forward and tells you she's always had a thing for you. And why does this only happen when you're already invovled?

I swear it's got to be something you women drink. I've had the same girl who I've asked out more than once tell me "no" while I was single, then as soon as I started to date someone steady she comes forward and tells me she's had, and has had, a thing for me.

It's the most annoying, pisser ever. I about wanted to scream when she told me that. And I had just managed to get over a crush I had on this girl for almost 2 years. So. fucking. annoying.

Women, make up your got-damned minds and be straight. Either you like us, or you don't. Please don't be wishy-wash with your feelings, it ain't kind to us!

-p3

§ ¶Order in the court

It sucks when a girl will admit a problem that she has, and will admit that it is her fault in the situation, yet continue to do it.

I'm sorry, that's just the way I am.....

Umm... what the hell is that supposed to mean? Would that work in count?!

"How do you plead for killing these two men?"

"I plead guilt, but it isn't my fault.. I was born this way, and have no control. Although no one kill me, that would be wrong."

"Oh... that makes sense... I guess."

rrrrrrrrrrrrrright.

-p2

§ ¶lying about honesty

girls say they like honesty, so i thought i'd try it once. a friend asked me to call her and i told her i didn't feel like talking to her. never, ever do that. conclusion: girls do not like honesty.

p4

§ ¶Here we go again...

Okay, it's that time of year where I stick my heart out and see what I can catch.

That time of year? You mean daily? Yep.

I'll report back in a couple day, we'll see what happens.

-p1

§ ¶Far Far

You have the market corned on guilt. Turning whatever we do back on us and making us feel terrible. You do it even when we're trying to be nice to you. Give you things, tell you sweet nothings. Bing, bang, boom, over and over we're made into the bad guys, or the ones who don't give a shit.

But more often than not that's far from it. Though no matter what we do, we still get things turned around and twisted so it looks like we're at fault.

Jesus, just stop already. We're trying to keep you, but more often than not by doing that. The Guilt trips, all you do is help to push yourselves farther and farther from us.

-p3

§ ¶What she says, is never what she wants

I wonder why a woman does it, or why you do it?

You say you want us to tell you our feelings, be [in your words] more like a woman. So we do that, and then what happens. It comes back to bite us in the ass. For chrissake if you don't want us to tell you something, say it. Don't be bassackwards and say you want to hear it. At least we men are easier to figure out in our stupidity. If we don't want to hear/do/say something, we won't do it. If we do want to hear/do/say something, we'll do it, or try to get another person to do it too.

But no, far be it for you to do something similar.

-p3

§ ¶We're just men..

You go from being a complete wreck, and crying. To perfectly normal and happy within a span of a few hours.

Excuse me?

Did I miss something here?

When oh when will you ever be somewhat 'sensical'? I mean come on, we're not rocket scientist, we're just men.

-p3

§ ¶It's hard to speak when people stare.

We can't speak our mind.

Not with you staring at us, lying to us, and expecting us to be open and honest about every aspect of us, it's called trust, and sweetie.. you have to give it to recieve it, and beileve it when I say that there is no way that we are going to sit up here on stage and give away our only cards that we have left to play.

At least not today...

§ ¶Pretty girls don't talk to me.

Pretty girls don't talk to me.

Do I carry around a sign that says, "Please don't talk to me, I am better than you."

No. Please come up to me and say hi. I would do the same to you if everytime I did, I didn't get weird looks, and otherwise brushed off.

§ ¶Females predominantly as friends.

Having mostly females as friends

Okay, you're male, an average male, and all your friends, or at least the very large majority of them are female, cool, right? Wrong.

The situation isn't a good one to be placed in. I naturally have more female friends than male because I simply enjoy female company more than hanging out with 'the guys'. Females are more fun, they've got nicer voices, no nasty hair growing out of strangestrange places and no overwhelming urge to scratch every 2 minutes.

They're just better company, and that's why I enjoy them.

The mind instantly jumps to think "oh yeah, it's time for some macking," which is sadly never the case. Just because you're surrounded by females, it a) does not mean that they want you, and b)
...which leads me to the next conclusion. You see, if you're a guy, and you're out with friends, who all happen to be female, and there's like 5 of them and 1 of you, you start to look a little gay, especially if the whole vibe given off to the public is that of just friends.

Suddenly we're being punished for just being friends with girls?

Yep. You're at a club, with the friends, having fun. It's obvious that you're not with any of them remantically, so what happens? You're now a guy magnet. They lock on to you and see that you're not with any of the girls, so you must be the gay confidant. This isn't a great thing, especially when you get more phone numbers from guys than girls when the night is done.

Same basic stuff happens if you're reading a design magazine on the bus, apparently that says to females "don't talk to me, I'm obviously not interested in your feminine wilds, I like penises only." Ugh.


Then again, as the friend to mostly females, you definitely get way more info about what they really think and like than most guys do.

§ ¶Girls with tongue rings.

Girls with tongue rings rock. I figure. But they instantly carry the stigma of being whorish.

Frankly I don't care, not like I'm getting any anyway.

§ ¶Halloween

Today is Halloween, so remember, if you go down on a loved one today, remove the vampire teeth first.

Unless you're into the blood, then, yeah, nevermind.

And if a girl says she'll treat you and give you some candy, this is the one day of the year you can pretty much believe her completely.

§ ¶Soon soon

Sorry for the lack of really emotional or good entries here lately. There just aren't any girls in my life that are evil now, and thus, I don't have that much inspiration to write all the things that I feel when they do.

Don't worry, it'll change soon enough probably. That's right, I'm gonna get hurt! Well, not quite, but I'm going to be taking a more active role in causing myself either more high extremes or low ones in terms of a relationship. I don't really care about it, and true be told, the only reason I'm even going to do it is for this page. I'm hoping for happiness, but I always plan for the worst, so be prepared. :)

Yes, this entry is crap, and yes I am bored. And yes I do really mean it about getting some new content here. Soon. I'm just tired now.

§ ¶Tech Support for Wife 1.0

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included in the brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys', Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my favorite applications.

I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me, please?

Thanks Joe

*************

Dear Joe,

This is a very common problem, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that the latter is merely a 'Utilities & Entertainment' program. Wife 1.0 is an operating system and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to un-install, delete or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0, but end up with more problems than on the original system. Look in your manual under 'Warnings: Maintenance/Child Support'. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPF's). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command "c:/apologize". In any case avoid excessive use of the 'Escape' key because ultimately you will have to give the "apologize" command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPF's.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system. Some people are now preferring to install Partner 1.0 or Companion 1.0, these being equivalent programs.

The installation of these more modern operating systems can permit everything that Wife 1.0 offers, but without having to commit to a license agreement. It also frees the users from some of the restrictions on input/output ports and can, under some circumstances, free the user to install A Bit On The Side 1.1 or variants such as Toy Boy 2.0. This is in line with modern open systems, but does require more vigilance on the part of the user to ensure that viruses and other unwelcome intrusions do not occur. Generally, this means the installation of some anti-virus software such as Condom 3.2. None of this was generally necessary when using Wife 1.0 except for the possibility of expansion of the motherboard. All sorts of problems could then ensue.

Best of luck,

Tech Support

p2

§ ¶Emotionally hesitant

Maybe I'm a bit hesitant about jumping into another emotional relationship soon because I'm afraid that I'll fuck it up again like always (getting overattached and basically doing it to a degree that they don't want me anymore). I really don't want to have to put my heart through that again (though I say this every time right before I meet someone and end up falling for them out of no real reason to).

I blame the lonliness and the cold nights, mostly.

Mostly.

Nothing is more enjoyable than knowing that there's someone, somewhere, who cares for you and loves you, and would hug you when you're hurt or not feeling so well; and that you could return the favor to. And does she really know, who I really am?

And nothing hurts more than when that feeling stops for either one of the people. I guess that's why you have to enjoy it while you can. It might not be around forever, it might not even last until the sunrise, but for the minutes that you have them there, you couldn't ask for anything else in the world.

§ ¶"Sorry, this isn't working out."

"Sorry, this isn't working out."

I take pride in the fact that I've never said those words. They just seem so cold. Sounds more like the end of a contract than the end of a relationship.

Come to think of it, I've never heard that line either, it's always been something different. I'm not saying what they were because I don't want to have to re-think through it all, and I'm sure all of you out there (male and female) know what the standard ones are anyway.

What I've been wondering is, is it possible to say that to friendships? If they're still fairly new. I'm talking about any kind of friendship, with anyone. ...if it's still a fetus, can you abort it? (okay, sick analogy, but it's the first that came to mind). Can you just Not Be Friends?

The way I see it, it would probably be a smart choice for both people if one of them isn't feeling the friendship connection there. Then again there's also the feeling that the person will be angry at the person breaking up the friendship bceause of jealousy, feelings of being not good enough, etc.

It would have saved me a lot of annoyance if I could have told certain poeple early on to just leave me alone and stop bothering me, but I just kept playing along. Sure, some of them get this small hints and leave eventually, but the majority leech on for life.

So, for my sake, and yours, next time you meet someone, and they're not feeling like they'll be a good friend, let them know, they'll probably thank you for being straightforward.

§ ¶What a girl wants.

What a girl wants.

Guys are always trying to unravel the mysteries of what a girl wants. Countless of our female friends explain to us all of the minute details of what makes a girl swoon.

Kissing her eyelids lightly. Running your fingers through her hair, just so. Holding her hand as you walk around... anywhere really, keeping them warm when it's cold out. Tell her that she is beautiful with all of the sincerity in the world, and make sure she knows this every day that you are together.

We are told by all of our female friends the way to woo any girl into captive territory. The question is, why does none of this stuff ever work?...

If girls explain so often what they want, and will "let you in" on the inner secrets, and workings of "the girl", then why is it so hard to land that potential mate.

Well, the short answer, They have no fucking clue what they want.

The long answer,

Females beileve that they want all of those sweet cuddly things that makes them lie awake at night, and dream... yet still end up dating assholes.

The cry from the female is, "Why do I only date jerks?."

This cry is spouted off to her best male friend.

As she lists off all the things she wants in a guy, the male friend nods as all of these.

"Oh, but you're my bestfriend.. I could never sleep with you."

Girls want jerks.

Someone who will make them feel inferior so that they have a drive to improve, and have a reason to be with him.

Because they are not good enough.

In acuality, it isn't that they are not good enough, it is that they are treated like shit to lower their self esteem, and then stay with him in the end because "They could find no one better."

and we all want the "best" possible mate.

So, if you feel like he is better than you, you want to reach the level he is at.

(So that you can enevitably move on, and find someone even higher on the relationship chain.)

Males are like this too, so don't feel so bad.

The guys that are good for you, you don't want.

The guys that are bad for you, you do... but you slowly realize that that is not what you want.

and then you long for light kisses on your eyelids.

What a girl wants?... Ask yourself.

Some of you out there can't be like this..... right?

§ ¶It's all about greed

I was thinking, I think I know why there's so many gay males now. It's not that it's more open now, it's just that they're probably realized what they have, and don't see women as worthy for it, so they only share it with their own sex.

Sorta makes sense when you think about how females always say the best ones are always taken or gay. Babble.

§ ¶How to get girls to tell you the truth (pt 2)

More truth-telling methods:
another method

Another method to get a girl to tell you what she thinks (though this method is a lot less reliable than this one): get her drunk.

Yes, that's it, just read the rest, it's not that easy.

Thanks to the inhibition-stealing nature of alcohol, when a girl is asked something while intoxicated, she'll be far less likely to put up her guard or any other defence mechanism when asked a straightforward question.

This can have its benefits and drawbacks. On the plus side, she'll tell you what she thinks, and on the downside, she'll tell you exactly what she thinks. Don't ask her anything unless a positive response is looking likely.

And, for God's sake, don't try to put the moves on her when she's in that state. There's nothing more classless than a guy pushing himself onto a drunk female. Nothing.

And once you've gotten your answer from her, just leave the subject be. If she wants to persue it or talk about it again (no matter what the response was), let her do it. I can just picture guys everywhere asking a drunk girl stuff then the next day ask her about it, "Hey baby, so what about what we talked about last night?" Don't! It instantly makes you look stupid, plus makes you look even worse for trying to pick up a drunk girl. (what's the matter, none of the sober ones interested in you?)

Try it out, and tell me how it works for you.

§ ¶Signs of the impending end of a relationship

Signs of the impending end of a relationship
click here for more

• "I think we need a break" (not really that subtle).
• Every time they see someone better than you (near or far), they whisper (but not quite) "If I wasn't stuck with this goddaned girl/boyfriend..."
• They start spending a lot of time at her "parents".
• She starts refering to things as "her" apartment, and "her" pussy
• You ask about what they want for christmas, and they say, "Don't worry about it..."
• You start having the dirtiest sex of your life.
• They all of a sudden has a best friend of the opposite sex.
• Never calls, and then when they do, it's only to yell at you.
• Reminds you contantly that you don't deserve them.
• They quit wearing their "good" underwear with you.
• She quits nagging you... cause she'll be gone soon.
• They start acting like an angel- they've either cheated on you, or are about to leave you.
• Quits asking for you to go over to her parents with her *(in this case, the visits to the 'parents' tend to just be her off with the new guy)
• Reconfigures your windows desktop to a backround of them fucking your best friend...
• Starts moving out her things, telling you that she is acually just throwing away this old junk, like her television, vcr, computer, clothing...
• Starts asking, "Did you buy this, or did I?"

-- p1 / p2

§ ¶Little wonder that little wonder

I wonder sometimes just what it is that I did to deserve this. The answer is probably nothing. Or I did too much, and this is Fate's way of saying "Don't be so dependable, they use that against you."

What am I talking about? I don't know. All I know is I'm frustrated currently, and not sure what the sum of the things I'm frustrated with are. There's a bunch, that's putting it lightly.

I'm glad I never let you know about this song, and I wish I didn't think about you every time I hear it now. Then again, it's not like you're the first I've compared it to.

You little wonder, little wonder, little wonder you. Sending me so far away, so far away, so far away.

To the readers, real entries will continue shortly, it just seems as if I've been in a bad patch emotionally lately, and that frankly makes this whole project suffer. But there will be fun stuff soon.

You little wonder, you.

§ ¶You hate me? I like you... You like me too?... Nevermind, I hate you.

I want, you to want me.

What is the deal with attraction?... I just don't understand the reasoning for why a certain person is attracted to another.

Like, I watch two of my friends, they are best friends, and have that sort of flirty, hang out all the time, but not really together vibe.

Now, when the Robert likes Rachel, Rachel doesn't want anything but a friendship from Robert. Rob, is obviously there for her, so she doesn't have any reason to agree to a comitment since she is getting everything she wants out of the realationship.

His love, and him not being with anyone else, or paying attention to any other female.

So Rob finally gives up, and decides to find a female, immediatly Rachel acts as if this is a crime, and starts explaining how she harbors feelings for Rob, even though he is now getting involved with someone else.

And the Cycle continues.

We want someone who doesn't want us, it's a challange.

As soon as that challange has been completed, we want a new challange.

Why can't we as people be fucking thrilled with the person we are with? Why do we always want something else after we have something, even though we know we could lose it.

I don't understand attraction.

-p2

§ ¶Why do we love the people we do?

Why do we love the people we do?

So, last night I told her I fell for her agian. And tonight she told me that she doesn't want that again. Said she's always meant everything she said to me. Always. That I've always been nothing but wonderful to her. It's all true, she really truly was perfect, and I always treated her with the same honesty and respect that I'd like to be treated with.

I was always honest. Completely. Sometimes it helped me, sometimes it only made it feel worse, but now I've opened up the wound again, it feel better just like last time knowing that I never once lied.

I speak a lot of attachment here, attachment is a big thing for me. I don't keep a lot of people in my life, and I keep even fewer close to my heart. She's always been a great friend, and I wish her the best, no matter where she is.

But, of course, I can't really be seen as evil or greedy for wanting things to be different. It's only common sense, I'd have to be stupid to want otherwise.

I guess the question of this entry is, why do we love the people that we do? I don't necessarily mean the boys and girls in your lives, I mean just generally, everyone.

It could be the way they make us feel, or the fact that they bring out the best in us.

Could just be the fact that they're worth it.

Whatever it is, that makes us love people. Yes love, that word that is meant when it's said, the word that lights up your face and theirs when it's said, it's great when it's mutual, and horrible when it's not.

§ ¶Reader submission

Its amazing the amount of power women hold over the male species.

At one moment they take us to heaven with their presents. Just there voice is enough to make your heart skip a beat. You love everything about them. Their hair, their smile, the way they look at you. Everything is perfect. Then something happens.

The same things you love are now taken away. They stop calling, they don’t spend any time with you, they start looking for attention in other places then you. This is when your little perfect world of halos and pearly gates turns to fire and brimstone.

You stop smiling.

You stop looking forward to waking up in the morning.

You hate the fact that shes not around anymore.

You wish you knew what you did wrong.

Every time you talk to her on the phone it’s to tell you what shes doing and not inviting you to it. She’s going out dancing with her friends and not taking you along.

You don’t meet her parents.

You don’t meet her friends.

Your presents isn’t told her to x-boyfriend when he stops by for a surprise visit.

Your not in the top twenty important things of this month.

All of these emotions, all these feelings caused by liking a girl.

If you take your life and sum it up to the total worth of what you are without, what are you left with?

Are you more happy when you are without girls, or happy when there around.

Im guilty of the same sins I speak of. Im more happy with girls around. That is the problem. Im looking for happiness in the wrong places. We should first look for happiness inside ourselves. Get used to being alone, without external female companionship. Only then can you see what you are really looking for in a mate. Not just a nice chest and a cute body. Someone who appreciates the small things you do for them. Bring them a rose when they feel down. Give them a back rub when they’re stressed out. All of these things you do for them.

All of this extra stress, sadness, hopelessness, sorrow and self-pity cause by someone you never knew before that came into your life and spun it around. You were fine before she came along. And now your left asking the question what you did wrong.

You did nothing wrong.

You were the one that welcome her into your life.

You were the one that poured out your heart to her.

You were the one that made her feel wanted and important

And now she has no more need for you. You did nothing wrong. You did want you were taught to do. Treat her with the same respect you would give your mother or grandmother.

Women have the power with one breath to kill a man or give him unworldly amounts of pleasure. Its up to us how much power we give them in our lifes. -- metric@152.org - www.152.org

§ ¶Babbling of love and attachment

I've got issues with love. I won't be with someone until I can completely emotionally trust them.

Yes, I realize how little sense this makes, considering I'm male and shouldn't care about that sorta stuff.

But it matters a lot. I can't actually fall in love with someone until I feel that no matter what is going on in the fucked up little world I live in (the world of p1 moody, p1 creative, p1 bored, p1 emotionally agressive), they'll understand and won't take it as something about them. I like it when I get fucked up and moody and they find a way to feed into it and then at the last moment flip it around and everything is just a huge joke that we can laugh over. If I don't have that sort of connection, then I tend not to continue talking with the person. I can sadly say, that at some point or another, I've fallen in love with every female that's still in my life. And the ones that I didn't, aren't around, if I can't trust you, then I don't want to be your friend or in your life.

Yes, this does bring up some bad issues. The fact that you have a feeling of connection to a person who sees you only as a friend, the fact that you live to make them smile and laugh in the way that rings a tear to your eye, and they don't quite understand how much you savour every word that comes from their mouth and how much you wish it could never end when they think of you. Life doesn't work out the way that we like it to, that's why God invented antidepressants and hugs.

§ ¶Breakup stories pt 4 (of 4)

Breakup stories, pt 4 of 4

That day I'd just prepared an incredible day for the 2 of us, when suddenly a friend called me to share his new findings ...she was cheating on me with his step-brother. She didn't tell me about anything... I went later to her and I almost hit his step-father over how angry I was, she just said "sorry honey, the thing is that maybe we are not meant for each other, good bye" -- Gas-toon loolyer

---

I'd never been involved with anyone before the last guy. We'd been good friends for about three years or so when he sends me this letter with a mix tape explaining how much he cared about me. To say the very lest, I was touched. The problem was that I rarely saw him since he lived somewhat far from me.

Another problem was his girlfriend. I didn't know about her until after he had sent the letter, and I was sure that he'd broken it off with her a month later. We talked as much as we could to each other. It was this deep and completely new connection.

Wonderful.

I started to notice things changing. He'd make promises to me places, among various other things, and he'd never follow through on them. I felt like I was waiting for him to come around. I hated it.

Finally, I get up the nerve to tell him that I couldn't carry anything on with him anymore, because it was too difficult and painful. The first thing he says is not "I'm sorry" or "Couldn't we talk about this?" but "Things have been really hard for me. My girlfriend and I are falling apart. I don't want to lose you. Can't you be more sympathetic?" I am furious and want to rip him apart. It'd been four months now that I've been hearing him say "I love you" and he's been saying them all the while to his girlfriend! I felt so used. Suddenly, the words "I love you" weren't meaningful. They were hollow and insincere. Later on I heard that he'd done this to a lot of other girls, but I was the first one to call him an asshole and to tell him to stay away from me. oh the joys... -- casey

§ ¶Breakup stories pt 3 (of 4)

Breakup stories, pt 3 of 4

After being in a long-distance relationship for the summer, my (ex)girlfriend spent two days acting very uncomfortable around me when we were back in the same area. Apparently, same thing was happening during the time we were apart. Instead of talking to me about what she felt our differences were, she just let them build in her head until they were insurmountable. By the end, she really couldn't tell me anything I had done wrong, only that she didn't love

me anymore. I thought things were going alright, she couldn't stand to be around me. Moral of the story? Don't fool people along the way. It's better to be

upset, and find out exactly what about the other person bugs you. It might not be anything but your own insecurities. -- Brian

---

She was my first gf and I had invested so much of myself into her that I was almost instantly crushed... I cried.. but what struck me was that she started to cry too!! So I told her that she wasn't allowed to cry because it was me that was getting axed... not her.. and so it ended up that

I had to comfort her to get her to stop crying.. Needless to say I took an extra long lunch but I still had a half day left to work, so I went back and

finished the shift... crying intermittently all day... for the next week or so I tried to talk to her about what went wrong.. I tired ot patch things up.. I went into her work, and cried there.. I was a mess.. but the worst part was, that she was starting to spend a lot of time with a close friend of mine. They both kept telling me that nothing was going on, but eventually I did get a confession about her liking him a little. So the summer progressed and I went to EgdeFest (a Canadian concert outdoor.. full day thing) with some friends, and at the end of the day.. can you guess what I saw? My ex and my friend kissing about 20ft away from me in the crowd.. they didn't notice me.. and well.. I was devistated yet again. I did however get a phonecall the next day from my friend, telling me that he was sorry, and that he wanted me to be the first to know when something like that happened... but the only reason he called me was because I told the ppl he was with where I was sitting, and said hi to them.. so that he would know I knew they were together. What ensued was even worse tho.. afterthe summer was over it was off to University for first year.. and can you guess where my ex was going?? Same university as me.. and well.. my ex-friend.. he was going there too!! Not only did I have to be reminded of the pain through them going out.. they were going to my university and taking the same courses as me. -- 0-PhYrE-0

§ ¶Breakup stories pt 2 (of 4)

Breakup stories, pt 2 of 4

There should've been a hundred thousand endings a hundred thousand times before it finally broke so badly that even crazy glue couldn't fix it, but the fact of the matter is that it took her driving for hours and hours to pick me up and then turning around and driving hours and hours back to Kansas City, MO just so I could spend a week with her.

On the surface, all is good.

It was (hands down) the worst week of my life. Affection? Smiles? A kiss? Not for you, pallie. A feeling of comfort, a sense of belonging? Not if you tipped the bell man.

She drove for a grand total of 20-ish hours and I stayed with her for a full week just so she could slowly work her way up to finally breaking up with me properly.

Truly amazing. -- essej

---

When the girl I was going out with started leaving 20/30 messages on my pager (this was '95 btw) that got a bit much for me, so one day I told her to get out and never come back.

She didn't, and after 3 days I'd realised what a huge mistake I'd made - but hey, c'est la vie?! -- Mark

§ ¶Breakup stories pt 1 (of 4)

Breakup stories, pt 1 of 4

The first was a guy that I dated years ago. I was a royal pain in the ass. I had a drinking problem, and a tendency to hit on his friends, and sometimes even cheat on him. He stayed with me time and time again. The last straw? When I got so drunk that I passed out puking on every piece of clothing that he owned. The next week, he gave up and broke up with me. (Just so you know, I no longer drink)

The second was the last guy I dated. Man, he was a puppy of a person, and would do anything to earn my love. I just wasn't capable of giving it. I broke up with him several times because we couldn't get along. We would fight constantly about stupid things. I finally broke up with him after a fight that lasted almost a week. I tried to take it back a few days later, but that just the end. He was tired of my abuse --Kaffwynn

---

I hadnt been dating this girl for only about 6 weeks by the time we broke up. (by broke up I mean her dumping me) and I hadnt known her for very long, only a few weeks, before we starting going out. anyways, a while after going out with her, I startred hearing strange stories from her, and her friends/people who also know her. stories about her sleeping with all these different guys, she told me stories about how she had sex with people on the bus, in movie theatres, etc. even one about how she was in a car with 2 guys, had sex with one in the back whilst the other one drove, then when he was done, them changing drivers, and the other guy fucking her! On top of that, I had heard she had slept with some 50+ guys, and had been pregnant 9 times (all slef-induced miscarriages by the way). eventually, she confessed to all this stuff. well by that time, I was totally freaked out, but had started to like her a bit by then, and didnt want to give up on the relationship. of course, after hearing all that stuff, I wouldnt have sex with her (although she tried to make me the first day we were going out, actually it was before we were going out).
Anyways, eventually she decided to break up with me.
why?
Because she was fucking some other guy in her 3rd period class!

When she did break up with me, I met her at her school right after 3rd period. for some reason, this other guy was tagging along with us, and she wouldnt kiss me or anything. (yes, she brought the guy she was fucking along, when she dumped me.) after a half hour, right at 12:30pm, she had me come outside with her so she could smoke...then she took me out in the middle of a crowd, told me it was over...and the minute she said it, 2 guys jumped out of the crowd and started beating on me. once someone broke up the fight, she had the nerve to ask me if I was alright, and later I found out she planned the whole thing! (she was probably fucking those guys though, too)

So thats about it.
I guess anyone who reads this is probably wondering why the Hell I stuck around for so long...well I actually thouht I could help her, and make her happy, because she had so many problems in her life. -- Shin-X

§ ¶Conversation 1

A conversation between p1 and p2:
We talk about everything from oral sex to shaving to the whore situation in Florida. Read on.

p2: like this conversation right here
p2: just post it!
p2: Hi, PEOPLE WHO READ US!
p1: We love you! (if you're female)
p2: lol
p2: We Hate you! (If you're female)
p1: Perfect.
p1: damn. I've had 4 cokes in the last hour.
p1: I'm gonna be sick.
p2: lines of?
p2: oh, soft drink
p2: i've had 2
p2: we should be rolling in comedic genius
p1: Yeah, the drink.
p1: Yeah. Groupies should be soon.
p1: I hope.
p2: "Coke is a lot like females......"
p1: How so?
p2: "Cause.... we drink to much, and we should have more, and it is sweet, and we umm."
p1: That works.
p1: it rots your teeth, but you always forgive it and have to have some more.
p2: are females carbonated?
p1: Could be. If they smoke a lot.
p2: or drink alot of coke.
p1: Yeah. Whoa, would that be some bad form of cannibalism?
p2: So maybe, "Females who drink alot of coke, are like coke"
p1: "You are what you drink?"
p2: I love eating girls.
p2: I hate that line though
p2: "Eating girls"
p2: icky
p1: Yeah, sounds like knife and fork work.
p2: do you like giving oral sex?
p2: (we are so posting this)
p1: I've got an oral fixation, mine and others. I'm horrible about all things mouthular.
p2: I love giving oral sex, but I can't give it to someone without pubic hair
p2: isn't that strange?
p2: I fucking adore pubic hair for some reason
p1: That is strange. maybe you've just got some hang up where it'd be like they're a young'n. Self-imposed defence mechanism.

The rule for anything oral should be that you get what you give, 'equal time' so to speak.
p2: I disagree.
p2: I love giving oral sex for 2 hours.
p2: but when i'm done
p2: you better fucking go at it.
p2: and the pubic hair thing is probably a defense mech for sluts
p2: cause if you ever notice..
p2: girls that don't shave, are usually unexperienced
p2: and girls that do, are usually sluts
p1: Yeah, sounds like my 11th grade Chem class.
p1: "I shave daily"
p1: Which is just sick.
p1: Because, really, unless she's some mountain man, it's probably not needed that often.
p1: Then again, she wore pleather (plastic leather) all the time, so I wouldn't be surprised of her whore status.
p2: and, yes, i get a pubic hair in my mouth
p2: but so fucking what
p2: i'm licking her pussy for gods sakes
p2: its not like a hair is going to turn me off at this point
p2: oh no, a hair! RUN!
p2: also, its soft and just... mmmm... yummy
p2: shaved girls just look icky
p2: little strong hairs coming out
p2: ick
p1: Robotic.
p2: yes!
p2: i want a human
p2: not a pussy chemically designed for optimum viewage
p2: its just icky
p2: now, i understand trimming
p2: and i understand bikini line
p1: Yeah, that's all normal (and good).
p2: but damnit, leave some for me
p2: it just seems sweeter..
p2: not so... sexual.
p2: oral sex is about adoration
p2: adoring, and giving of yourself for a person
p1: Adoration = latin = fear / worship
p1: It works.
p2: nod.
p1: Girls from Florida = whores.
p1: Grand statement?
p2: lol
p1: Correct, no?
p2: i don't know :-)
p1: It's just my guess.
p2: quite a generalization though
p1: I mean, probably more correct than not. When you take all the random sexual messages on ICQ from pre-teen skanks,the majority are from Florida.
p2: although, i'm not circumsized, so that may have to do with my want for foreplay, and oral sex.
p2: it is way more sensative when you are uncircumsized
p2: i am not dependant on thrust thrust cum to get off.
p1: Yeah, it's not in the open air and senses dulled over time.
p2: yep
p2: girls fucking suck when it comes to their understanding of circumsized and uncircumsized cocks
p1: then again, I am (cirumcized), and there's still that want for all things foreplay. Everyone loves to be loved.
p2: oh, i'm not dissing man.
p1: Yeah. Well, most guys don't know shit about females though... it's scary. Makes you wonder how many just scream "AH! What's that!?"
p1: It's only fair.
p2: Girls (when talking about it, not when acually with me), will talk shit about uncircumsized dicks, when never being with one.
p2: its so dogmatic
p1: It's because they don't understand. It's like Martian speak or something.
p2: one of my favorites is, "it smells."
p2: bullshit.
p2: we live in a society where we take showers daily.
p1: Exactly.
p2: this isn't 1204.
p1: Haha
p2: its like they've been taught to fear my amazing cock :-)
p2: (do you still want to post this? :-)
p2: how is your love life going?
p1: I'll prolly post it, but I'll cut parts out so it doesn't look so crazy.

§ ¶Loving is like getting a lobotomy

Loving is like getting a lobotomy
a.k.a. bad comparison #1

Loving is like getting a lobotomy, it'll leave you a shell of your former self, and make you drool like crazy, but you'll never have to worry about anything ever again.


Something like that. I'm just bored and wanted to come up with something for today.

§ ¶Halfway attachments

How to fuck yourself up in 10 minutes or less...

When trying to disconnect your emotions / whatever from someone whom you used to adore / love / whatever, here's a little tip don't see them anymore. This may sound like common sense, but it's easier said than done. The only way to get out of the situation alive is to cut off all communication. Don't speak to them anymore, don't be around places that remind you of them, and above all, don't spend time with them, you'll only hurt more in the end.

You can go weeks, months, even more, without seeing or hearing from them, new and newer lovers still and the second they're around again, it's all around again. The memories, to feelings, the touch the taste, the sheer ecstasy that came from the simplest moments with them. At least, that is, it all comes back for you.

They're still the same, they hold the power, and they know that you'll fall again, and fall hard. So for your own sake, take the advice of everyone around you. As soon as they're gone, do everything in your power to never be around them again. Ever.

...if only it was that easy...

§ ¶Girls can smell a lie

Girls can smell a lie from a mile away

When dealing with females it's best to always tell the truth. Telling the truth, despite what you may believe, is not the same as telling her what's on your mind. If she asks where you were last night, don't tell her that you "just had fun with the boys", tell her what you actually did eg: "The boys and I went drinking". Being vague isn't good in any circumstance, and it sure as hell won't help you save any trust with her.

If you're continually vague, it appears as if you're hiding something, and if you're looking like you're hiding something, then you may as well consider yourself screwed right then. All because you wouldn't be more clear about something that was so simple.

And don't even try lying about what you were doing. If you were out drinking when you said you weren't, fess up, she'll find out eventually anyway- better that you were a man and told her upfront than side-stepping the topic and looking like a coward and fool later on.

Girls have magical powers. Magical powers that can leave you weak in the knees and that can read your mind. So do them a favor, as well as yourselves, be truthful, it'll only help you gain points.

§ ¶Girls can smell when another girl is around

Girls can smell when another girl is around

You can tell when a female friend is jealous as soon as the hint of another girl around comes into play. They'll get all defensive, they'll ask all about them, they'll even ask you to compare them to eachother in some rare cases. Even if the female friend you already have is happy with a completely platonic relationship, she'll get jealous over the very idea that you're bringing another female into the picture (even if the new female will also serve a position of platonic friend, the situation is still bad, just a bit less so).

They can tell when there's another around, they don't even have to ask. They'll just start to talk to you more, they ask you to do things, they'll do whatever it takes to satisfy the feeling they have that they don't want to lose you as their male friend / boyfriend.

Guys are just as bad for this though, so at any point, feel free to transpose any male references for female and vice versa, this works for everyone. The only difference is that guys will turn quiet when this kind of situation comes about. If you're a female, you should prepare for a whole lot of "Sure", "okay", and "whatever" responses when this is happening. ...your guy isn't angry at you, he's angry at what he fears is happening to you. Assure him that it isn't the case, and let him know that he's wanted and needed.

Men tend to get quiet when situations like that happen, and women tend to directly hate the new girl in the picture- even if they've never heard anything about them other than a name, and never met them or talked to them, they can still hate them stronger than anything imaginable.

What it all comes down to is that people like the feeling of knowing that the ones they've grown attached to are around. They like the idea that they're dependable and there when they're needed- new people threaten that safety and could eventually break it entirely, so even small feelings of animosity are understood. Afterall, we like to be needed.

§ ¶Girls can smell money

Girls can smell money

Have you ever noticed that the second you've got some discrecionary money to toss around, that suddenly females are all over you? If not, pay more attention, it happens.

Girls can smell money, it's like a natural attractant. That loopy part of velcro to the fuzzy part of velcro ...just make sure you hold onto your part of it tightly.

Here's an easy guide, well, more of an experiment to see if this is the case for you- if the females around you are suddenly more 'attentive' when you're Mr. Moneybags, or whether they're just the same as before:

• Do they conveniently plan stuff for right after the days you get paid? Stuff that costs you lots of money and is solely for their enjoyment? (stuff bought by your own will doesn't count)
• Do they talk more about your investments in the market than they do the emotional investment in the relationship?
• Do they often end phrases with "but you can afford it"?
• Have you ever caught them rooting through your wallet while they thought you were asleep (in this case the girl may just be a hooker, watch out)
• Have you overheard them tell their friends, "I'm only in it for the money and the sex. The hot, sweaty, fantastic sex is great, but the money is better."?
• "Aww, c'mon, be my sugardaddy?" (said in a non-joking manner)

If you're subject to any of those situations, then odds are, sadly, she's more interested in the size of your billfold than she is in the size of your package or the size of happiness she gets from you just being around.

§ ¶Sharks

Girls are like sharks. They can small fear, they can smell blood, they can smell money and they can smell when another girl is around.

I do not know if sharks can do any of that stuff, but if they could, they would, and they'd do it like females.

I will completely elaborate on this topic when I wake up- in a manner which will make you all belive that I know what I'm talking about and a way that will make you say "damn, that p1, he sure does know what it's like."

And I'll say, "A'ight. It's cool, 'cause I'd never make this shit up for all youse."

§ ¶Girls can smell fear

Girls can smell fear

It's true, they can smell fear. They live off the power that it gives them, they love watching nervous boys squirm and get giddy with pants-wetting fear or sexual intimidation whenever they're around, and that means that you're a target buddy-boy.

Yes, girls are amazing. We love them to pieces, we love everything they do to us, they do it so well, and we come back for more every time. We can't help it, but with the help of this guide, you'll have a better stocked toolkit next time it's happening:

• Right before you know you're going to see her, bite your tongue really hard. The pain will take away the whole instant power she has. Just make sure that you're not bleeding, because they can smell that too, and they'll go in for the kill.
• Don't think of them as anything loveable anymore. Just associate them with everything you don't like about any evil people, and you'll be set.
• When in doubt: babble. You may be scared to death, but when you're babbling she can't say anything that make the fear worse. Hell, you may even make her laugh.
• Make her laugh. This changes the power a bit. All of a sudden you've got the power of happiness over her, and if used right, you can make her pass out from lack of oxygen to the brain and lungs.
• Run away an cry. run fast, run far. And while running away scream, "Not gonna get me this time, evilness!"
  
  Good luck in the future, this is your base to start dealing with the situation, the use of all points are up to your personal preferance.
  · (default)

§ ¶Fastest, easiest revenge...

Fastest, easiest revenge in a bitter situation against an ex:

Sleep with their best friend!

§ ¶We need your breakup stories

I've been working on a new section that will be put up some time within the next week: Breakup stories

That's right, stories sent in by you, the reader about your funniest, worst, best, most unusual, most painful, etc breakups. Hell, even if they're boring stories, give them to us! This way we'll have a huge catalog of all the ways we've all been dumped, and you won't feel so bad because you'll see that some other person went through the exact same thing. Send them in.

§ ¶Sever all ties

Tonight, there's a million screams. As if I could live on words and dreams and a million screams / Oh how I need a hand in mine, to feel.
Y'ever get stuck in a situation where there's nothing but pain associated with a person- or rather, the pain far far outpowers the memories of the good times. Yeah, the good times that we're not ever sure were truthful or just bullshit. And for reasons far beyond your grasp, you can't stop talking with them. Hoping that maybe if you just put up with what it's doing to you for a bit longer it'll al be alright, the world won't explode when you wake up, and someone, somewhere, will greet you with a smile, open arms and a simple message of love.

You end up giving them what they want- exactly what they asked for, then once they know they have it (and you), they let it be known that you're not needed anymore. The price of being there for someone, I guess.

No, this entry has no real point, I'm just severely fucked up over a lot of issues, and wish I could sever all ties with a person without actually stopping the talking with them. Because the talking is the only thing that at least feels authentic and heartfelt.

I'm whatever you want me to be.

§ ¶Bringing up other men

  Why is it that females lack tact on giant issues, while males forget to call you when we are out, and it's considered a personal vendetta against you?

  I do understand that you have slept with other guys. I don't sit and analyze the intricate details of him thrusting inside of you, but I do take note of it, and don't hold any ill feelings towards it.

  But why do you bring it up? Why do you mention to your friends when I am present about a particular guy you slept with?

  I do notice the "But that was obviously a mistake" right afterwards when you realize that I am infact in the room, but the case is still there.

  Do you have to bring it up while I'm present?

  I don't care who you've fucked in some abandon warehouse, or that you got drunk one night, and had a wonderful drug induced orgy.

  That's lovely, that is your past, and I realize that you want to be honest with me in every aspect of your life, but honesty doesn't mean throwing your past expoits in my face.

  I don't go on about the time I fingered two girls at the same time in a movie theatre, as I kissed one, and fingered the other.

  I just don't bring it up.

  Am I not being honest?... No.. I just have the tact to leave that alone in your company.. If you asked me, I will recount my previous exploits in as much detail as you wish, but for fuck's sake, chill with bringing other boys up!

  You girls suck!

-p2

§ ¶The pont of sacrifice

The point of sacrifice

Here's a topic that's been on my mind. When is it too much? What's the point in a relationship where there's too much crap that you can't / won't deal with it anymore?

I'm curious. Email me with your horror stories of what broke your relationship, and I'll post them here for others to laugh and remember their similar experiences. Are you a guy who breaks the relationship up at the first problem? Are you a guy who ignores the problems and does whatever he can to make it last? Let me know.

§ ¶Long distance relationships

Long distance relationships

Communication
Keeping in touch is important, quick phone calls checking on how the other person is doing can mean the world. If shortens the feeling of distance, it brings the person (mentally) right there with you. Calls don't have to be long and expensive, you could even just leave messages on the answering machine, that way they can be played over and over. There are numerous other free person 1-800 number services, to leave voice mail, that cut out that long distance bill, and give the other person messages they can save and cherish. A handwritten letter, or a card "for no reason" can go a long way also- nothing beats the feeling of an actual communication from the other person in your hands.

Communication means talking about what's going on in your life, and how you're feeling about things. If you don't communicate, the other person has no idea to know what you're thinking, and they can't pick up on the facial cues either because of the distance. Expressing your feelings clearly and openly is key.


Trust
In order to make a long distance relationship work, you need to have a lot of trust in your partner. If you don't, you may end up wasting a lot of time wondering where they are and who they're with, what/who they're doing. Insecurity isn't a good attribrute to drag into a long distance relationship.


Honesty
Be honest about how you feel about your relationship, and what's going on in your life. them being able to read your mind is highly unlikely. If your studies or job are keeping you busy, or if you're sick, or just needing to take care of soemthing else, tell you partner - it's easier to understand why you haven't e-mailed in a while, or why you seem cranky/moody. Don't forget to tell them about the good things happening in your life as well as the bad ones. This ties into the communication thing again.


In the unfortunate case you decide that the relationship isn't working - for goodness sake, don't just leave the other person in the dark, be honest with them. This doesn't mean being rude or thoughtless. Try to avoid telling them before major exams, or during finals. And don't leave it on an answering machine. Be nice, be caring, be consistant.


Love and commitment are as important if not more than the other points, but I think that goes without saying.

§ ¶Infatuation- different than lust!

Infatuation- different than lust!

There seems to be a big innequality in the way the genders treat eachother. Nowadays when a guy is interested in a girl, it's considered lust, but when a girl has her eye on a guy, it's sweet, and romantic. While it's true, the guy could be after the girl just for lustful purposes only, but so could the girl. Infatuation is, in a sense, more pure.

The easiest way to tell the difference between infatuation and lust is, simply, what's the first thing you think about the person? Is it something based on the physical, something you can get a hold of a "fuck like crazy," or is it something more psychological, do you think more about how much fun they are to talk with. If your answer lies along the lines of "ohmygod! They're *soooooo* hot," yeah, that's lust.

Infatuation is when the person in mind falls more along the lines of a friend first and foremost and object of love second. Infatuation means a more emotionally fufilling relationship if it works out, and more emotional trauma if it doesn't- it's a game with higher stakes, it's putting your heart into it and pushing as much as you can. With a relationship that started on infatuation, it'll either be the greatest feeling ever, or the most devastating thing to happen to you for quite some time.

So, I guess, you could just play it safe by playing the lust game only. ...sure, that's do-able. The relationships based purely around lust tend to me more emotionally closed-off, the warmth isn't as warm, and the connection isn't as deep. But it's safe ...just as long as you don't get too attached.

§ ¶Questions from the readers 2

Questions from the readers 2

I got this email just earlier tonight, and I thought it'd be useful along with my response:


"Are you really so afraid of yourself, of being rejected for not being worthy, that you will go to all this trouble??

As a girl I find it painful to be pampered, to have doors held open, to be gazed at with those goofy you-know-i-really-care-about-you looks, to be told I'm thin (am blatent lie), that I'm loved, because so often it's insincere. It's a "hook", a "sting", a way of getting my attention, of playing the role. It's not necessary to have the same likes and dislikes. Often the best part of a relationship comes from the compromises and the exploration that both parties have to go through.

My advice: don't be so uncertain, try honesty."


    response: I'm always honest when dealing with people, especially females, I don't actually go by the stuff in that latest update- it was more a guide as to what I see