§ ¶Heart felt hot cocoa sampler box

Today someone at my work said that they used to read girls-suck.

I was amazed. It's weird how many people have read this space.

-p2

§ ¶It never really scrubs clean.

Here are some awkward moments:

Awkward: after asking a girl if she read your letter which explicitly said "I would like to date you and eventually make several babies," she replies with "Yeah, it was nice!" and then continues to talk about the Simple Plan music video she saw last night.

Awkward: you're slow dancing with the girl you were set up with for the Winter Formal, and as you're wondering if she hates this forced courtship as much as you do, she leans in and whispers, "Shit, my face feels dry."

Awkward: you meet up with a girl for lunch, and afterwards the two of you are walking back to your separate cars. Your arms are full with food/books, so you can't hug goodbye. As you're debating a plan of action, she says "Well, bye!" and pats you on the shoulder... and then on the top of the head?

Hidden inside the spelling of the word "awkward" is the word kwar!, which is the sound I make when I remember these moments.

-p5.

§ ¶This book doesn't have any buttons!

It's funny to take the current way of how I act towards girls and take it in context with how I did when I was younger. From early disgust to teen shyness and up to my current post-high school blasé attitude, it seems like I'm always changing my approach due to rejection, experience, or talking with others (in that order of importance).

The thing is, I've changed so much when Girls haven't, really. I say "Girls" because while the female population are generally people as well, we scorned boys tend to view them as this faceless, enigmatic mist floating a little above our heads until the occasion comes that a drop falls down and presents itself as a pretty neat gal. I guess if I could just give the younger me a few of the fundamentals of interaction, so I wouldn't grow up feeling off (or to put it more scientifically, "not on") so often. But maybe I haven't progressed that far from where I was because, well, I am still writing here.

I guess what's mainly funny is that I'm a slow learner, heh.

-p5.

Yeah, my last entry was pretty dumb.

§ ¶R.I.P. Kif

What girls don't know is that boys really do get all their subtle nuances, their slight tactics and signals hidden within signals. We know that you're at the very least our equal, that there is depth to you beyond what we can comprehend, that your intelligence and wit is easily the best aspect of you. We get it, really.

It's just that...
we find that the most sensual part of a woman is the boobies.

-p5.

§ ¶Like, seriously.

Girls suck when they have to get all "restraining order" on your ass. I was just checking her trash to make sure there weren't any bombs in there, you know?

-p5.

§ ¶Crappy music too.

Sitting at a pay per use computer terminal sucks almost as much as girls.

At least this will not call me after I'm done with it. Guh.

-p2

§ ¶Monsters of the Midway

Sometimes I forget that girls are people too.

I usually remember when they are crying.

-p2

§ ¶Few precious bits on the cutting room floor.

Writing scripts for film is hard. For me, though, the toughest piece of the puzzle is the dialogue. I was trying to think of some quality banter between a couple on a date, and since I write best from personal experience, I delved into my memory and tried my best to remember the loveliest conversations of my history with girls.

But all that came to mind, really, were the moments spent in silence. It always seemed to click the most when we were comfortably enjoying each other's company rather than carefully jousting with words -- slowly prodding until we found that weak spot, the one topic that could make us seem more attractive.

People in like talk too damn much. They let loose a heady barrage either to mask the verbal nothingness they have to offer or to cautiously delay the one or two bits of vital information they actually have to offer.

Meh, anyway. I think I'll just drown this scene out with new wave eighties music.

Oh yeah; my city is on fire. It's quite bad, but we're okay. Insert something emo like: "Every day, the sky is a different shade of heartbreak."

-p5.

Then the first of an uncomfortable silence happens.

                           MIA
                Don't you hate that?

                           VINCENT
                What?

                           MIA
                Uncomfortable silences.  Why do we
                feel it's necessary to yak about
                bullshit in order to be
                comfortable?

                           VINCENT
                I don't know.

                           MIA
                That's when you know you found
                somebody special.  When you can
                just shut the fuck up for a minute,
                and comfortably share silence.

                                                                      -Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

§ ¶sleepy time gorilla music

once upon a time there lived a girl who enjoyed playing with sticks.

i used to walk up to her, and ask her if she would be my friend.

but she would always continue playing with her sticks.

i dressed up like a stick for halloween.

she quit liking sticks soon after that.

-p2

§ ¶back in black

girls are all like, "wahhh, nobody likes me."

then you're all like, "hey, wanna get pie."

and then their all like, "no."

-p2

§ ¶i never understood calc.

One time I asked a girl if it was okay to kiss her. She told me that it isn't very romantic to ask. So I just kissed her.

She pushed me away.

-p2

§ ¶Doesn't have to be a sunset to watch it.

I was feebly pursuing a train of thought that was headed towards an epiphanic destination of realizing that the problem was that I'm the kind of boy who needs the kind of girl that doesn't need a boy at all, especially the kind that needs a girl, and I was just arriving at the solution when suddenly it was "ma-ma-ma-ma-MONKEY" all over again and I derailed.

-p5.

§ ¶Girls love money.

Oh wait, here it comes.

Here's my impression of 85% of females:

"Money! Gimme gimme gimme! I didn't work for it, but gimme gimme gimme!"

Your pal,

-p1

§ ¶Are you a Strongsad?

Sometimes we like it when you actually ask us things relating to us, or our own interests. A lot of times girls think that we don't ask them enough about the things they enjoy, but I'm sorry ladies, it goes both ways.

It gets a little annoying when we're always the one asking about things and you never ask us about our day, why we said something, or why we think that Strongbad is the best email answerer in the history of emails.

Cause otherwise we end up feeling like Strongsad, and really who wants to feel like a gigantic depressive gray...thing?

p3

§ ¶Orange juice after brushing your teeth.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Even though that enormous hen in Robin Hood said it, it's not true. It only really applies if you have that sort of impossibly simple love that two animated, talking foxes can have.

Because the truth is that absence makes the heart grow blander.

You're easier to forget when you're not right in front of me, proving the universe wrong. You're only as beautiful as the picture that I have of you in my head, which fades ever quicker the less you voluntarily talk to me.

Because, I guess, I miss you the most when you're with me and making me happy and I'm realizing that this is but a taste of something greater that I'll never get to know.

-p5.

§ ¶The forums are back..I think.

I've just spent the better part of a day getting something working, what's that you ask?

Why the forums of course. I swear I thought I was going to punch something things kept going so wrong, but now it seems to be working, and I really think it'll last longer than before this time. Why you ask? Because I just bought a brand-new host, who seem to know what they're doing.

So get on in there, post things, and be a part of the cool crowd.

p3

§ ¶Backwards Day

I think girls mostly suck because we think too much. Boys are content to let what happens happen, never questioning the bigger picture, or looking at the grand scheme of things. Boys fly by the seat of their pants, and I've learned that most of them never stop to consider the consequences of doing so. Girls, on the other hand, consider the consequences of our way of doing things (being analytical to the point of nonsense,) as well as the consequences of a boy's way of doing things.

I think we should have backwards day, like we did when we were kids. A day where all the boys have to overanalyze what they do, and the girls get to float through life. That'd be the most.

_p6

§ ¶Whiff.

Why bother saying, "I'm sorry for not keeping in touch," and then continue to be silent on all communication fronts? If you're sorry, make up for it; if you're not going to, don't effin' make it seem like you will. I mean, really, it's like me apologizing for ever hurting you while repeatedly bludgeoning your head with that metal thing they use at In & Out to push down the trash.

-p5

§ ¶Bmmph.

A great way to make a boy like you is to turn up his music while you're riding in his car.

What? Your boy doesn't like loud music? Call me.

-p5 wrote this shortly before falling asleep

§ ¶It's really just a freak accident

What!?

Incase you girls didn't know, when a guy is involved in a freak accident the day before you're due to arrive in town so you two can drive cross-country together, its not because he didn't want you to come.

It's because it was a freak accident.

For you to suggest otherwise, not only makes said guy feel even shittier than he did already. It also makes so little sense, it can make your brain hurt trying to comprehend it.

p3

§ ¶Despite verbage, this entry contains no innuendos.

I'm sometimes asked why I hold such a pessimistic attitude towards relationships and potential love and the mystic creatures known as girls. I get the You-Can't-Get-A-Girl-With-That-Attitude, the You-Know-You're-Just-Limiting-Yourself, and increasingly popular No-I-Will-Not-Make-Out-With-You-Just-Cause-You're-Depressed. Understandably, they don't get how I dare hope for happiness with such a bitter approach. (look ma, no 'jaded')

The taste of swallowed hope is quite possibly the nastiest thing a human being can ever endure. Broken glass, rusty forks, that one pointy thing your dentist can't possibly use for anything but forced interrogation... it feels like all these things come tumbling down your throat when you receive that irrefutable proof that your dreams are so head-shakingly laughable. To say it's a bit hard to remain consistently hopeful is like saying the Olson Twins are somewhat annoying*.

But swallowing your pessimism? Who wouldn't rejoice at being able to reject their own surly philosphy? Who wouldn't want the world to show them up with happiness when all they believe in anymore is realism?

Honestly, how else could I choose to be?

-p5.

*THEY ARE SO GOD DAMN ANNOYING

§ ¶Nothing says professionalism like an 'enhanced' cursor and comic sans

This is why girls suck. Because only girls could think of such a page as this. No sensible guy would make a page that had links to such topics as "How to stare at your dog", "How to touch a naked man", and "How to cry when naked." Because really, if you're a female and you're really wondering about how to cry while you're naked, or how to touch a naked man, you have some problems. Some really, really, big problems.

Also nothing says professionalism like an 'enhanced' cursor and comic sans.

p3

ps. The more I look at this page, the more the idiocy boggles my mind. "How to flirt with a man on the Net" What!?

§ ¶I'm not always a saint, but

I think that women are completely insane. That doesn't negatively impact my feelings for them, I just thought you should know.

-p2

§ ¶Gender Bias?

When a guy makes a mistake, it's because of how stupid he is.

When a woman makes a mistake, it's his fault for pointing it out instead of helping to fix it.

-p2

§ ¶The history of the evils of Women: Part One.

Sent in from Kyron.

The scene opens on a beautiful little hut in a beautiful garden somewhere long ago.

::Man walks in::

Adam: Hey baby, wow, you should have scene the garden today really green and just kinda cool. I went frolicking and had a chat with the Jehova, that crazy old man out on the hill, the one that comes out of the clouds now and then.

::Woman smiles and sets a fresh pie on the table.::

::Man leans forward smelling the pie as she cuts him a piece.::

Adam:: thanks baby!

::Man takes bite, woman sits opposite man and begins eating.::

::man glances intently at his wife::

Adam: Hey ya know, I never noticed this before but you have some nice-HEY! Why am I naked!?

::BOOOM! Roof lifts off house as God leans in to look angrily at the couple.::

::Man looks about frantically finally settling his eyes on his wife in a murderous glare::

Adam: Pie!? You sneaky...

::Facing God adam speaks::

Adam: J-man! hey, umm Hi! I bet your wondering why I'm naked! WAIT! let me explain! ya see... THAT BITCH SET ME UP! Look man I was just tryin' to be a good Husband and she made a pie, and.. i mean hell I got rid of the dog so my creepy wife could have a pet snake and I should have known then those creepy Exotic pet chicks the-"

God: Eve you Evil bitch i told you the snake had to go! it's been eatin' my birds!

Eve: but the snake is wise and he's shown me-"

God: SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH! This ain't the new melenium and shit, "I" run this bitch and in MY book women speak when I tell them them to! Did you Bake the pie? Did you have Adam buy the snake? Here I'll answer for you.

God: (In Mock woman Voice) yes mighty lord, who's about to fuck my shit up, I did.

::God looks at eve:: First off I'm gonna rip the legs off your fuckin' iguana, and toss his ass out. Crawl on your belly you bird eatin' fucker!

God:(To eve) and you you evil golden apple pie making bitch, gets to steppin!!

::eve turns to walk away::

God:: oh wait! before ya go, here's a present for ya! and ya get a new one for a week, once a month for the rest of your miserable existance! eat my apple. ya ever tried to grow an APPLE TREE IN AFRICA!!!!????

::eve walks out bleeding after the snake. Adam laughs in his vengeance and claps god on the shoulder::

Adam: well i guess we solved that problem didn't we, so what do ya say I coff up another rib and you whip me up my third wife eh? hell! without the other rib and with all this new knowledge I wouldn't need a wife! HA HA HA!

::god looks at Adam angrily.::

God:: Get out.

Adam: What!? Wait man! you know everything! You have to know that I didn't know, that she knew that we'd know we were really naked, and HEY! how come you were watchin' us run around naked without tellin' us you dirty old-"

God: OUT!

Adam: why man, i thought we were close? she tricked me!

God: You dumb mother fucker, how long you lived in this garden?

Adam: oh, several years, after that time Lilith burned down the hut. I can't believe that bitch got half of everything!

God: and in that time you've lived here you've been garden keeper right?

Adam: yea of course I know everything there is to know about every plant in the place.

God: really?

Adam: yup.

God: then... HOW MANY APPPLE TREES YOU SEEN IN THIS GARDEN YOU DUMB MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!

Adam:: Just let me pack a few things.

§ ¶A not-so A-Typical girl

name: hikaru

email: thais.felix@comcast.com

message:

fuck you boys!!!! I like being a bitch so shut the fuck up!!! assholes!!!!!

See, and some girls really wonder why we say what we do about females.

It's simply because honestly, some girls have zero common sense. I mean why even bother to post in the guestbook of a site where you know you'll be in the minority? If you dislike it that much, just close the webpage and never come back, guess what? We won't really miss you since obiviously you're an A-typical girl, aka dumb.

However if she had bothered to maybe, be more sophisticated in her manner of telling us to fuck off, then that would've been a whole 'nother story. Point is, listen to your mom. If you don't have anything nice to say, fuck off.

Can you tell that I really want to write entries about girls-sucking, but I can't. Mostly because while I have a girlfriend who from time to time, frustrates me to no end, unlike previous girlfriends given about 2 minutes, she can realize this and things go back to normal.

So really, I don't have very many tales about girls sucking. While I am sad I can't write a lot here, in the bigger sense I'm definetly happier than a pig in shit because I am having the kind of relationship I've always wanted to have. Now I just have to wait 4 weeks to be with her for good.

p3

Edit: To clarify about the 4 weeks things since some people have been asking. I say that because in 4 weeks I'm moving to Denver to live with her. So while it's not marriage, it's pretty damned close.

§ ¶Reasonable clout.

At times, I think I'm pursuing this just so I can prove the universe wrong. The universe says: you moron, she doesn't like you back, stop thinking that you can keep inching closer as her friend until one day she forgets that she doesn't have feelings for you. Common logic says that this sort of thing never works out; there's even a genre of music that serves to remind me of this*. So, what I really want to do is raise that middle finger high and say, hey, fuck you, watch me make love happen.

Well, okay, maybe it's a little more important to one day be able to brush my teeth next to her in the morning or put grass in her hair for the sole purpose of brushing it out later or kiss her every time she smiles at me 'cause when she smiles it makes me want to kiss her. But really, this is a priority. I want to prove that dolts like me can sometimes be right.

Hey! You've got to hide your love away.

-p5.

*It's not techno.

§ ¶A short note.

Not a lot to say except that I really wasn't out to make hnybee as someone terrible, just that her note made little sense and her diary was near incomprehensible to me.

In other news, I've replaced the link for the forums with one for the guestbook, since people kept asking for it. That and the forums kept fucking up so hopefully that'll make people happy.

p3

§ ¶If it wasn't for my horse..

I read this

from hnybabee :

pleaz gurls dont suck!! l0l but if its ur opinion den i respect daht i wish u visit meh syte too!!! thanks foe makin ur nice syte enjoyed it

And all I could think was "If it wasn't for my horse I never would've made it through college.." and then I'm reminded just exactly why women will never, ever, ever make sense. [If you also catch that reference then well, pat yourself on the back, I don't think most will]

p3

p5: this is like reading something my eight year old cousin would write if she was missing eight fingers and had two glass eyes
p3: hahaha
p3: OH GOOD GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT
p3: the lish-meh stuff oh my god i don't even understand what the fuck it says
p5: you know what it is? you wanna know
p5: IT'S WRITTEN EPILEPSY

§ ¶sorry, i'm nic fitting.

When a girl says that she understands that you are quitting smoking, and will probably an asshole, she is lying.

She thinks she understands, but when you start acting like an asshole, she gets all mad at you.

-p2

§ ¶Full of nothing

Super-hott girls have their own set purpose, and that is eye candy, nothing more, nothing less.

They're kinda like those easter bunnies you get at easter. They can be big and gigantic and look so cool, but once you bite into them you realize they're not full of diddly and really taste kind of like ass.

So really take some more time picking out that girl, and make sure that she's filled with caramel or something good.

p3

§ ¶What momma told ya not to do.

My cousin said I griped too much about girls on this site, so here's something different:

-p5.

§ ¶A case for Valium.

Staring at the ceiling and trying to fall asleep, I came up with this proverbial thought: if true love can quickly sour and turn into the deepest hate, isn't the reverse also inevitably true? I pondered a bit further and thought about whether anyone who I very much despised could be my soulmate.

Now I'm afraid to go back to sleep for fear of nightmares in which I wed Jenny Jones.

-p5.

§ ¶Is it broken, or fixed?

Just a little word that the forum is back, albeit in an ugly form at the moment. I'll be working on getting it lots prettier but it might be a bit.

On the subject of girls, if we do something that pisses you off, please tell us; sometimes we don't always know/realize we've pissed you off. Retreating away and then waiting for us to apologize doesn't necessarily work. How can we apologize for something that we don't even know we did wrong?

So at least tell us somehow that you're annoyed at us and then maybe we can fix it. But ya can't fix something you don't know's broken.

p3

§ ¶Another short story in a long book.

Remind me to forget you.

-p2

§ ¶upset, yup!

This diary has to be the single worst bane for any relationship I have.

She tells me to write something on here, and I tell her I am going to make something up.

Then she gets pissed off, and ruins an entire day because of it.

Yep!

I'm glad I write here.

-p2

§ ¶I'm vapid.

There is nothing cuter than staring at a girl who is stark raving pissed, and thinking.

"She's pretty."

-p2

§ ¶Awary.

I recommend self awareness, not self hate, as a better way of living.

Self aware boy: "Hmm, my hair isn't the right length, I wear the same clothes in a four-day cycle and my car looks like a spent bullet, so that's probably why that girl isn't interested in me."

Self hating boy: "No girls are ever attracted to me! I'm not good enough for anyone or anything, and no one understands. No one will ever love me enough. What's worse, no one will ever perform oral sex on me."

It's a fine line, I know. Please.

The best reason I can say to be self aware is that knowing more yourself will, le duh, help you mounds in knowing what you're looking for in a girl. Just be sure not to cross the line.

And be aware that you're trying to be aware, 'cause that'll help your awareness.
Then be aware of that. Then be aware of that. Then go play The Sims some more.

-p5.

§ ¶italicized girl

all I want is for people to care about me.

I care about you. A lot.

no, that's different.

What, I'm not a person?

haha, no, you are. what I mean is, I wish there was some nice cute boy thought about me all the time.

So what you meant was that you wish beautiful people cared about you.

no no no, I'm saying that I wish I could finally have a decent and somewhat attractive boy care about how my day was and stuff.

So the problem isn't that not enough people care about you, it's that not enough people you want to have sex with care about you.

haha sure.

-p5.

§ ¶Still on this side.

No, I didn't get into NYU, main reason being because my artistic submission (which was the essay that I posted before and my movie) were "not very competitive."

Bleah.

I'm taking it well, I guess, since people have been real sympathetic and telling me nice stuff like "loads of talented people don't get in" and "the process is random and cruel" and "SCREW NYU". I'm also keeping my mind off it by being preoccupied with writing the script for my next short, since I have to get busy making noticeable movies if I can't have the added benefit of a film school.

I'm also hoping this is part of some cosmic balance where on the one side I don't get the future that I had hoped for, but on the other, Claire Danes flies out to my house and reads all of the original X-men comics aloud for me.

Or, actually, me eating copious amounts of vanilla ice cream could be on that flip side as well. I think I'll go balance my life out some more right now!

-p5.

Yes, I'm allowed to blatantly plug to make myself feel better. Cosmic balance, man.

§ ¶Walking down the hall.

Occationally the world seems clear. Everything falls into it's own little niche. Life makes sense in ways that you couldn't have really fathomed.

Attempting to convey, all these words we'd never say, but meant.

It's always sad losing an experience we may never feel again. Seems so final. So strange.

We cling to our past, and know that no matter how much time's past it will never be quite like it once was. Never smell quite like it once did. And Never feel quite like we once were.

Doesn't mean we would rather be there, than here. The loss of anything feels like a loss. Doesn't matter if the gains far surpase it.

When the time is right, you deal with these things, cite them, write them, relax in the notions that swirl around. You can not rekindle what you left, it will never be the same, never feel the same, never taste the same.

You are moving on, and that is okay.

Our own fear of death, and finality takes a role in our fears towards the end.

They are irrational, and even that is okay.

Do not try and force the feelings you want to hide away. Take the bandaid off quickly, for while it may sting, it won't sting as long.

And you can do other things while still numb, grow into new ideas and concepts, and learn what it means to cherish who a person is, and not be dependant.

Once upon a time, I saw a girl. Now all I see are jumbled pictures of that first night.

The only thing I choose to remember in a world of forgotten dreams.

-p2

§ ¶Life in reverse

Life only makes sense when viewed backwards. Too bad we have to live it forwards.

p3

§ ¶Evilness exposed.

Sometimes girls make you all happy when they talk to you.

That is until they stab you in the throat with one of those things that you move the hot logs around in a fire place.

-p2

§ ¶Bitter bitter boys and failure?

First things first. The forum isn't working because well..something happened somewhere that wasn't my fault. I'm looking into it but I'm not sure at this point if it'll return.

Then there's this

trust-faith wrote:
you bitter, bitter boys.. I love the way everyone just LOVESSS your diary....I also love the way all the girls say "well some girls might suck, but not all of them do"(implying that they don't think that they suck) PLEASE come up with a new line! PLEASEEEE... I'm sure your failure with girls is your fault...or at least half your fault...why don't you write some entries about some stupid things you've done for a change... or you could just ignore this comment...like you seem to ignore everyones comments...

I know for myself I've written about some relationship failures that were my fault, because some of them have been. But there have also been plenty where the girl basically chose her brother over myself and I walked away from that relationship because I don't ask for much, but when I get continually ignored I can take a hint and realize I'm not wanted. Would it make you happier if every girl hated this? I think personally it wouldn't matter if girls hated this, I think it would only give us more to write about.

On a different topic of conversations. If you ask us to talk more in the relationship but then when we do talk you don't make any sort of comment about our topic, it's almost boggles the mind. Because really it's a two way street, no one wants to just blabber on 24/7 without any sort of input from the other. Ask us questions about what we said, or relate it back to something you know, just keep the conversation going back and forth because well that's how it normally goes. It's frustrating on our part because a lot of the time we'll comment on what you say to keep the conversation lively but then when we actually have something to say it's almost like pulling teeth to get some sort of comment/reaction/anything out of you.

Just something to ponder next time you're talking with your other-half.

p3

§ ¶A teddy bear would be less taxing.

Sometimes I wonder how much of a relationship is founded on comfort. And I don't mean that in any emotional or figurative way, I mean actual physical comfort.

Example conversation I had with a guy:

"She's always complaining, she hates my family, and she never picks up her stupid phone. God, she pisses me off!"
"So why are you still with her?"
"I don't know.. it's just.. when we're in bed, and I'm holding her in my arms.. it just feels perfect, you know?"

Perfect.

Would a guy really turn a blind eye to all signs of impending relationship doom because of a neat physical fit with his girlfriend? I'm not talking sex here, but just a comfort zone they don't feel like rebuilding?

Heh, it seems so rhetorical when I write it down like that.

Oh, wait, I have to complain about girls too.

To All Girls: instead of repeatedly comparing a guy to your cute little brother, be more subtle by sporting a dry erase board that says: "_______, YOU COULD NOT BE ANY LESS ATTRACTIVE TO ME EVEN IF YOU WERE WEARING A NECKLACE OF SHRUNKEN BABY HEADS AND ROLLING AROUND IN A PILE OF WEEK-OLD RHINOCEROUS EXCREMENT." In this case, you could fill the blank with--

p5.

§ ¶How to Meet and Get Asian Girls.

End of the month, that means it's time for an entry about sex from me (I don't know).

This one is titled How to Meet and Get Asian Girls, and I have to warn you that it may not actually lead you to meet or get Asian girls. It's all speculation at this point, but I hope it works out for someone out there.

01: The first thing you need to know is that Asian girls are better than you:
Even the fat ones. What's the coolest place that you hang out at? Say it to the monitor now. Okay. That place is lame, and boring. You're hurt? Get used to it, Asian girls are not interested in your simple likes and wants! You boring boring boy!

02: Asian girls can be found most commonly at the library and at the supermarket:
Your best bet is to go to the library, since if they see you at the supermarket, they'll see what you're buying, and no one wants to get with a guy who's walking a cart full of hair-removal cream and pizza pops. At least at the library you can pretend to be literate and somewhat human, you monkey-man you.

03: The education thing: Asian girls are almost always guaranteed to be smarter then you are. In the event that the one you're interested in isn't smarter than you, odds are she's the rare breed that we call "the totally dumb girl" (there's one in every group), and she will do whatever you want her to.

This may or may not be a good thing for you.

04: Asian girls tend to have pretty strict and/or controlling parents. Also, unless you are Asian, they'll probably secretly (or not secretly) hate you. This adds stress to her life, if she wants to be with you at all, and will strain the relationship (even if it's a stalker-stalkee relationship to begin with as you follow her around the supermarket).

05: Asian girls like presents. All girls like presents. They're all about the bling, and you'd better step up, because if there's another guy out there who can provide her the glitter and toys, her parents will like him more, she'll like him more, and you'll be back to standing outside the 7-11 asking people to buy you smokes as a pick-up line.

Best of luck, and with these steps you may just get to meet your princess.

Your pal,
p1

On the behalf of us Asians:

1) No Asian girl I know (including my sisters) falls under any of those rules.
2) There are many dumb Asians. And many dumb girls. Don't act all surprised that dumb Asian girls exist.
3) Want an Asian guy or girl? Go to Asia. We're American.

-p5.

Please note that I am usually drunk out of my mind on nothing but nonsense when ideas come to me. Change Asian to "Antarctican" and we're still set. I want to meet the Antarctic Hello Kitty - p1

Note that I still just-short-of-love p1, it's just a subject that's been touched on too many times for me. And he's still invited over for brownies and ice cream.
-p5.

30 Apr '03 - · (default)

§ ¶Lack of girl interaction leads to rants.

Emo: good music genre? Yeah.

Emo: clothing style? Sure.

Emo: lifestyle? As Ben Kingsley said in Sexy Beast: no no no no, no no no no, no no no no, no.

I love emo. It's a bit annoying how trendy it is these days, but I still like how it's catchy music you can relate to, which is a nice contrast to punk, the music you punch someone in the back of the head to. The two blend all the time, of course.

However, one of the more disturbing things I've noticed in the teen-emo fad at the moment is that some truly believe in emo as a way of life. For those of you unfamiliar with emo, this means adopting a mindset as such: "I'm going to be bitter at everyone and everything. The opposite sex exists for the sole purpose of recipient of my scorn. I just want to be alone.. with as many people as possible."

Are you serious.

Bitter does not equal sexy. Girls are attracted to Chris Carrabba because he's attractive.

Before you reply to this post with the obligatory flames and blames, read the first sentence of the first paragraph. The music and the community are great, I just think there's better philosophies one can take to mind. "Emo kid" should mean someone who listens to emo, not someone who only stops crying to start screaming.

-p5.

§ ¶A wavering not-so-pep talk.

You've never had a girlfriend, and your life doesn't feel so great, so you think that's the missing piece that'll make everything fall in place. You figure, if only you could share your loneliness with someone else, the world would become a much sunnier place because you finally have someone who cares if you're happy.

My god, let me tell you how wrong you are.

A girlfriend is not the line piece in Tetris that clears everything out for you, and I know you get that metaphor because you're a goddamn nerd just like me. A relationship is a responsibility that most of us are not ready for, but you're going to get into one anyway, so let me tell you what it's like.

You tell yourself, happiness is making other people happy, and as soon as you have that ability your world is one fat rainbow slide into the pot of golden bliss. It seems true enough from what we've been taught, doesn't it? Hah.

You don't think you're ever going to break a girl's heart. You've always been on the receiving end of heartbreak this far. Anyone that you date, you're going to treat like a goddess, unlike all those other asshole guys in the world. You're different. You're better. You're going to be happy.

You're a stupid little kid.

I broke a girl's heart a week and three days ago, a girl who didn't deserve it, a girl who I made happy. I realized I wasn't happy sometime in the last two months, but I tried staying in the relationship as long as I could for her sake. And this is where I realized what a huge burden her happiness was, a burden made a thousand times worse because I knew it shouldn't be a burden. When I couldn't do it anymore, I realized that in life, you're going to have to be a bastard every once in a while. It's necessary, it's unavoidable, and it's going to happen to you.

To end this increasingly incoherent lecture, don't make yourself believe that you can find inner happiness from other people. It's the other way around, something you need to figure out before you end up breaking someone's heart. So stop whining about needing someone, sit your ass down, and think about what it is you want, who you want to be and if you could really find someone who's at the same time in their life as yours.

Relationship: responsibility. Too much of one without the other.

-p5

§ ¶Sunglasses at night.

I think I would be less heart broken if my name was Clyde.

-p2

§ ¶She's the cutest girl in town.

I am sick and tired of it.

I have been dating someone who makes me feel miserable for too long. I have turned down a date with a co-worker for a long time, and I'm finally saying fuck it.

I need to be with someone else, and to forget all about my ex. It may be a rebound, but I need to rebound from a person who has treated me terribly.

-p2

§ ¶A Story at 3.

The best way to get over a relationship that has ended is to avoid all contact with the person.

Sometimes this is very difficult as you miss them very much.

When this time comes, it helps when they are not at home.

-p2

§ ¶Everywhere I am I think you are.

I don't quite know what it is I feel anymore. Have you ever had a week where your whole world seems to have turned upsidedown?

I have never had such a strikingly ackward, and yet amazing feeling. I've always wondered if one day I would just think differently.

To explain better...

Sometimes I think, "I will do X everyday from now on."

But I don't. I always sort of attributed it to the fact that I am who I am, and there are just things you can't change.

Well I am dumbfounded by how I feel. I feel completely different.

Something had to be the catalyst, and I keep thinking I will wake up, and go back to the way I was.

But everyday I seem to have a new sense of urgency that before would have baffled me.

I still feel like a thousand emotions are hitting me at once, but they all seem to sort out as if strained like pasta.

They all seem to leave a sense of calm. Of understanding that things will be okay.

Something I haven't had in the past.

.... I don't think I've really said anything pertaining to girls, but since almost everything in a man's life somehow revolves around women.

I think I've said enough.

-p2

§ ¶You and Me and understanding

All you need sometimes is some reassurance, and good vibes.

Precious few come when they are wanted the most.

-p2

§ ¶The order of the day.

Relationships should be determined by what is best for you in that segment of your life.

Not what you want to increase yourself esteem.

-p2

§ ¶I never learn

Regardless of how much you think someone has changed, they always remind you how much they are the same the way they lie right in your face.

-p2

§ ¶Essays-suck.

Side note: I just submitted my transfer application to NYU a little while ago, which contained a dramatic essay in which I had to write about an event in my life that I will never forget. I wrote it based off of this entry from girls-suck, since it was the one I for which received the most feedback.

Here, You, Me.

So, if I get into NYU on this essay, I'm going to love the other P's all the more for letting me join g-s and become a better writer, as well as all the readers who e-mail me when they can relate to an entry. Yeah, I'd do more of a big thank you speech here, but I'll save that for the Oscars (yep, film major).

-p5.

§ ¶Six Keys to a Failed Relationship. (06)

Part 06: Vague? What?
You know, like don't go into detail about things, and stuff.

Like when you're out, you're just out, with, like, friends, no one mentioned specific, yeah, feed into that doubt, let them make their own minds up about what really happened.

- Your pal,
p1

§ ¶Six Keys to a Failed Relationship. (05)

Part 05: Presentation, appearance and mannerisms?
This is a major part, not only in the relationship, but in also dealing with the outside world. (yes, that place not at your computer).

You don't have to walk around in a full suit all the time, but you should be dressed for the occasion. Don't go outdoors in your pajamas. Don't wear a tux to bed. Make sure you comb your hair (if style warrants), and remember, you have to see everyone else's faces, and they have to see yours. Try to be one of the good examples.

If someone needs to explain how to use deoderant to you, it's probably not a good sign. If people plug their ears when you talk, it's probably due to either your language or that you're just too damn loud. If people look like they're going to vomit when you speak, you might want to look into mints.

The rule, when in doubt, is to look at the person who isn't causing snide laughter from others, and try to be more presentable than them.

- Your pal,
p1

§ ¶Six Keys to a Failed Relationship. (04)

Part 04: Greedy with time, generous with B.S.
Relationships need time to grow. You can't have the world's best romance and a long-term wonderstory without the long-term part. No good can come from never seeing the person you want the relationship with, and giving excuses for not being around doesn't help any either.

If you can't see them for a while, or if you have to change plans, or the usual way of things, let them know. Don't let them guess, because if they have to guess, they can just as easily assume you're up to no good. You might want to watch that you're not spending too much time around them either. This, of course, depends on them and not you. This is something that should be decided by them; if they're going to get sick of you, this would probably be a major place. If they only want to be around a couple days a week, let them. If you have other ideas, be sure to be clear about it.

- Your pal,
p1

§ ¶Six Keys to a Failed Relationship. (03)

Part 03: Use every chance to alienate them.
The best way to make for drama and resentment? Alienation! No, not a nation of aliens- though I'm sure that would definitely add to drama- keep your significant other always on the outside.

Don't let them know about what you're up to when they're not around, don't share your hobbies / activities / habits (perhaps?) with them. Make it a point to never introduce them to friends, and whenever they mention eventually meeting any member of your family, laugh loudly, and when finished say, "Oh, wouldn't that be quaint!?" in as sarcastic a manner as you possibly can.

Another possible way to achieve this would be to take zero interest in anything that they're interested in. Treat is as droll, pointless, and for extra points, juvenile.

- Your pal,
p1

§ ¶Six Keys to a Failed Relationship. (02)

Part 02: Lies, lies, oh-mah-lawd the lies.
Everything is based on either trust, or a lack of such trust. Anything shiny and new is bound to lose its lustre over time, but don't corrode it all the sooner with lies. Every chance to weaken trust that is given up to weakening trust will only make things less stable. Even the small things add up over time; there's just no point in lying. Assume they know everything anyway, and use that as all the more reason to be honest at all times.

Also, don't accept their lies. If they lie to you, they probably don't respect you enough (as a person or in the relationship) to give you the truth. Watch for what they may lie about as well- if they're lying about one thing, they'll lie for similar issues.

- Your pal,
p1

§ ¶Six Keys to a Failed Relationship. (01)

Over the next few days, I'll be posting what I consider to be Six Keys to a Failed Relationship. If you follow these steps you should have a horrible relationship in no time! Or, (if you want, I guess) if you stay away from the bad things, it might actually help you.

Please note: by 'relationship' I mean something that has a chance of lasting- not 'relationship' as in the kind where you've known them for 3 hours, they're 7/8ths drunk, and you're 9/10ths desperate. These six steps are more than likely a surefire way to mess something good up; and if you've done all six and still somehow haven't lost the relationship, take a moment to wonder just why the other person is staying around (and why you're staying around in something obviously so flawed as well).

Part 01: Find someone really (really) stupid.
This one was just begging to be first, and I hate to tell you all this, but unfortunately if something of a relationship is going to last for more than a week (or a night), you've got to keep your mind in it. This doesn't work when the other side is lacking- try having a real conversation with a piece of toast and you'll get tired of it quickly (unless you've got some issues of your own).

I'm not sying that you need to find a true Mensa candidate either; your best bet is to find someone who is around an equal educational level as you, with similar experiences, and similar general opinions. The trick here is remembering that similar is not same. If you find someone who could be your twin, you'd probably have fun recording and listening to yourself. Differences- even minor ones- keep things exciting, or when not exciting at the very least acceptably non-boring.

- Your pal,
p1

§ ¶A Guide to Safety in Wartime.

The idea of war is very frightening. Thankfully I life in Canada and never have to fear conscription, but people around the world don't have the same assurance from their governments.

The US government has a new website, (http://www.ready.gov) that takes steps to keep people prepared and ready in the event of threats to the homeland, and along with with their images, I present "A Guide to Safety in Wartime"

Unfortunately the images are ambiguous, so we've taken to providing a few subtitles for your safety in the event of future attacks.

And please, spread the link around, it could me the difference between life and death.

- Your pal
p1

§ ¶I be smart! (2)

p2 put across a very valid point yesterday in the following (see previous entry):

"I think girls write dumb diaries about stupid shit that they want others to read, cause they have no sense of self worth."

I think it goes a bit deeper than that, in that it's not so much a case of a lack of sense of self worth, but just very basically a lack of self.

It seems that girls these days aren't so sure in who they are- most are (over)eager to please and go from one relationship to another in hopes that by that relationship they will gain their definition. The look to the relationship to make them who they are.

And, of course, if that relationship fails, then they see themselves as failures, and the world becomes more dramatic than it really is/should be. The ones who will make it through, the ones who know how to weather those stormy times of "oh he doesn't love me!" and "I wouldn't sleep with his friend when he asked me to or go drinking every night with him, he's going to dump me!" are the ones who a) Know who they are, b) Know their own limits, c) Know when to say no.

The girls who make it through life, the girls who don't end up with a horrible 'boyfriend' who abuses them are the ones who know what they want, and by extension of that what they do not want.

Intergrity has a lot to do with your own self identity; if you're willing to do anything for anyone without regard for your own feelings, thoughts, and ultimately safety, then we can't help but blame you when you do truly let those around you down because you've let everyone down by not being yourself.

- Your pal,
p1

§ ¶New Holiday

Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic.

Secret...guys feel left out. That's right...left out. There's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed to admit it. Which is why a new holiday has been created.

March 20th is now officially "Steak & Blowjob Day." Simple, effective and self-explanatory...this holiday has been created so you ladies can have a day to show your man just how much you love him. No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town-the name of the holiday explains it all...just a steak and a BJ. That's it.

This twin pairing of Valentine's Day and Steak & Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in February to ensure a more memorable March! It's like a perpetual love machine.

The word is already spreading, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love and peace to this crazy world.

(finally.....)

-p2

§ ¶I be smart!

I think girls write dumb diaries about stupid shit that they want others to read, cause they have no sense of self worth.

-p2

§ ¶Into words

Sometimes it's good to meet that person who makes you feel so good you can't possibly put it into words. So all I have to say about her is "... ... ..... ....." and then some.

p3

§ ¶What rules?

I realized something today while taking a shower. The whole reason guys and girls seem to never get along, or piss each other off, is that we don't know the rules.

No one's laid out the ground-rules for dating, and so we [men] think that we're in the right and playing by the proper rules, when the females are thinking that they're in the right and playing by their proper rules. What's true though is that the female and male version of the 'rules' are so vastly different we're basically playing by directly opposite rules. Example: Guys think it's perfectly ok to wait a few days before calling the girl back. Girls think it's required to be called the next day, or the guy is a player.

So you women, email me and then the most common themes for the emails I'll combine to make the real rules for dating.

p3

§ ¶Psst!

Don't tell anyone, but sometimes, I read my old entries on here, and think wow, I was clever.

Don't tell anyone, but I watch reruns of sappy romantic comedies on channel 10 when I can, with a plate of cookies and a glass of milk, and I consider that a good Saturday night.

Don't tell anyone, but hopeless romantics are idiots, and by the way we're all idiots.

-p5.

§ ¶Happy...whatever day.

Happy Time to Make Single People Feel like doodie-day. Hope everyone has a good one.

And if you don't have someone, may I suggest you get in your car, put your favorite album on very loud and sing along at the top of your voice.

p3

-Addendum-
Valentine's Day.
VD.
Venereal Disease.

no coincidence.

-p5.

§ ¶Hotstuff

A random girl said "Hey hotstuff" to me today. She was probably 16.

Girls suck.

p3

§ ¶Communicate?

sarah wrote:

I find it interesting that of all creatures we are the most able to rationally communicate- and yet we tend to do it so badly.

Oh so true, oh so very true.

p3

§ ¶Fizzle.

Stereo's blaring, and you're singing along because nothing feels more right than singing along to your favorite song. Then someone shuts it off, and you're just another crackly-voiced geek who couldn't hit a high note for the world. That's what it's like to realize you're in a loveless relationship.

-p5.

§ ¶Open, close.

I think that when someone complains about a lack of mystery in a relationship, it's because they see what they don't like about themselves in the other person.

Unless they're dating Encyclopedia Brown. That damn brainy kid.

-p5.

§ ¶What a date really is.

A date is where you talk about useless crap and mentally weigh her positives with the negatives, while she does the same but in a much less rational fashion.

p3

§ ¶No risk, no gain

The more things change, the more they seem to want to revert back to the way they were before any of the changes.

It's weird because I can see her say she's happy, but it's almost as if the rest of her body gives in and shows what she's really feeling. I just wish she'd learn to admit to herself what she already knows.

Last night she even said a part of her wants to be back with me. What more proof do you need?

Women, you need to learn to listen to what your body/heart are saying, even if it means taking a risk. Because nothing good is ever easy, and if you never risk anything you can't ever gain anything either.

p3

§ ¶whooosh

Girls suck because they are just not as smart as guys.

They can be EXTREMELY intelligent, until hormones kick in.

Then it's all out the window.

-p2

§ ¶Keys anyone?

I fell in love with football as I was later to fall in love with women: suddenly, inexplicably, uncritically, giving no thought to the pain or disruption it would bring with it.

[if you know what that's from, please email me, I think i want to marry you]

And that's me now. Realizing that I have no idea why I still have these feelings for her. I shouldn't, simple as that, and yet I do.

I guess that means that when you give the keys to your heart to someone, even when you thought you got them back it doesn't mean they didn't make copies of them.

p3

§ ¶Not at the center yet.

People have asked me if the reason I haven't been writing is because I have a girlfriend, and that I don't think girls suck anymore.

To answer: hah!

Girls still suck. In fact, to quote my friend Mike, being in a relationship "opens up a whole new world of sucking".

-p5.

Wait a sec..

§ ¶Lunch date, and then some

For a long time I never really believed in fate, because I didn't want to admit to myself that major decisions in my life were out of my hands.

But after this week, I'm almost tempted to believe it. Because I had gone so long without talking to her, because it was just too damned hard, I didn't want to be reminded of what she had put me through.

Yet I did get in touch with her last week, and then we setup the lunch date, and all that happened afterwards happened. And really I have no explination for it, I never though I'd end up doing something like that, I never wanted to be one of those guys. But I was. The even odder part was that even though we hadn't talked in over 3 years, we clicked instantly like we had when we were dating, and thinking about it I remember another meet/greet with a different ex. It didn't go nearly as well as the one yesterday, that one there was long silences and pauses and it just didn't seem we clicked at all. but I did click with the one girl who I never though I'd see again, let along talk to.

I spent most of yesterday just kind of going "..wha?" and pretty much confused, not because I have feelings for her again [which I might, I might not, or it could be my body and brain thinking that things were going back to the way they were] but just because I was trying to wrap my brain around the fact of just what did happen the night before.

So maybe I'm now a sucky guy, I'm not entirely sure.

p3

§ ¶Stuck wondering..

I’ve always said, and made it very important in my life, that I never wanted to go through it without risking things. so that I didn't ever have to look back and go "what if I had done [insert thing here]?" but after this week, I’m seeing that sometimes no matter how much I might be tempted to take the risks, you can't.

Because things ended the way they did for a reason, things happened in that way for some bigger reason. And maybe eventually they could change, but not at the moment, and it's wrong to think you should actively attempt to change them. Because to do so, would probably only end up making things worse.

Basically I think I have to go back to my way of thinking before this whole triad happened. that she doesn't really exist anymore, because I think if I didn't, I’d keep remember what has just happened and get back into the "what if.." train of thought that wouldn't do me any good.

Christ and I kept saying to myself I wouldn't let her get inside my fucking head again. Because I knew if she got in there it'd be easy for things to get fucked up, simply because of our past.

But after everything had happened and were laying in my bed, I couldn't help but realize how comfortable it felt. And for the first time in a long, long time [I’m talkin years here] there wasn't anything else in my head except her and that one moment.

Looking back at it, and other similar moments I realize that it hadn't ever been the same since her. Though I think that might be because of the simple fact she was my first true love, and the girl nowadays I base everyone off of. I mean when I start dating/seeing a girl when she does something I look back at the relationship I had with Erin and compare them to see if it's better or worse.

But I think this has just turned into the rantings of a hopeless romantic who's stuck wondering.

p3

§ ¶Bite on.

No I don't care that you're getting married, even if it is to a complete and utter asshole who is probably the most loathsome man in the entire planet.

No I don't care that I haven't talked to you in a few years and that you're probably entirely different than when I knew you.

What I do care is that you could still manage to say "It's never too early when you find that someone special" because unless I'm mistaken you and I said the same thing to each other.

Then you went and slept around with multiple people.

Somehow I don't see this working in the long run...and will I care? No, because you deserve it to have karma come and bite you back in the ass.

Bite on karma, bite on.

p3

§ ¶The Others

Sometimes it'd be nice if you came right out and said you liked us back; instead of telling some tale of how some annoying guy asked you out tonight but instead of going out with him, you came over and watched a movie.

Cause then we could cuddle up during the scray parts of the movie and make out at the end. And I think we'd both like that.

p3

§ ¶Walking off

It's amazing how even though I ended up going home alone last night, and didn't get any sort of kiss after the stroke of midnight, I don't care.

And that's why good music will always save you, no matter how retarded girls become.

Plus good music never sucks you dry for free drinks and then walks off.

p3