§ ¶Guys suck?

I've come to this realization. A lot of the problems women have in dealing with men when they're older come from being screwed with by a father-figure when younger.

So really, girls suck, because male parents suck even more.

Guys suck. [I think that made sense]

p3

§ ¶My little cuddle buddy.

Apparently I'm someone's cuddle buddy now. Which means whenever they want to cuddle I have to come over.

On one hand I should be offended that this is all she wants from me. But on the other it's not like I'm getting any sort of other action, and at least in this case things are clearly laid out in advance so I'm not left wondering.

Which is good, and bad.

Girls suck.

§ ¶it's hard.

One of the hardest things to do in life is to correctly catagorize things my importance.

-p2

§ ¶true love

True love feels like you'd think it would.

-p2

§ ¶Back rub anyone?

When a girl decides you're only worth her time because you can provide her with something [in this case a back massage] she's really not worth your time.

Girls suck because they're manulipative bitches, and guys suck because we allow them to do this to us.

p3

§ ¶Where you wanna meet me at holmes?

Here's a conundrum. How do you meet people [girls and guys] after you get out of school?

Work? But it's never good to mix work and pleasure because when you break up you're forced to be around the person.

A bar? Then you never know who you're really meeting because they could be putting on a show just to 'land' someone. Plus you never know just how skanky someone is.

So where else is there, the grocery store? I think that's why I'd like to stay in college forever, cause there's always a large supply of hot girls.

p3

§ ¶hey girl walking!@

"Hey girl, I'm honking at you because I think you are hot. Yeah, you... Hawt!... just... stop what you are doing and chase me down if you think the same... I'll slow down."

-p2 (not really, more like any guy who ever honked at an attractive woman on the street.)

§ ¶Something that I pretended to have happened to me.

How weird would it be to walk outside of your house, steal the first car that you had a reasonable oppertunity to get away with, and drive away until you ran out of gas, got out of the car and applied to work at the nearest business under the pretenses that you had a lot more knowledge and or skill than you actually did, only to discover that your lies would be uncovered within your first interview, and now you're somewhere randomly assigned in this great country with a stolen car, no gas, and no job.

-p2

§ ¶escaping depression

Getting out of depression is the hardest easy thing you could ever have to do.

-p2

§ ¶OOOOOOOOOOHHHAAAAYEAH!

There are exciting changes in girls-suck land.

Not really. But there are changes. just not so exciting. like stuff might happen, and i might do stuff, and you might be entertained by us again.

and if so. I applaud stuf.f

-p3

wait, -p2, that was a typo i should have corrected but didn't. this is p2. the weird one.

edit: I was about to say, "jigga wha!?" -p3

§ ¶What having a penis is like..

Having a penis is like walking around with a basketball. unless you have a hoop, you're only dribbling and playing with yourself. meanwhile, once you actually find a hoop to play with, there's probably lot of people already there waiting in line. so its either wait in line and hope you don't embarass yourself, or go to the dirtier, skankier courts.

-p2

§ ¶cuddle

i need to cuddle.

-p2

§ ¶short and to the point

The more that you understand women, the more you wish that you didn't.

Men need to make sense.

-p2

§ ¶i wrote something. w00t.

a pretty little ball of yarn in the corner is the single intended misdirection of my preverbial but not quite literal interpritation of the consequences of a day not night but still meaningful in that it doesn't mean anything at all.

-p2

§ ¶I might be pissed.

I've come to a realization, I like girls. They may not always like me, but damned if I can't help liking them.

Sure I've been hurt, but who hasn't?

Nonetheless I still hold out that minor hope that the next one will be different. Maybe she won't have a problem with me having female friends, maybe she won't decide to "secretly" [and by secretly I mean it was obivious] still be in love with her ex, maybe she won't be an angry, angry girl pissed at everyone, and maybe she won't lie and say she's not screwing around when she is.

Maybe.

But I won't know until I go out and give it a whirl.

It's a terrible road we're led down. 9 times out of 10 we're damned if we do, and then we're damned if we don't because then we're "alone".

I hope in the end that when that 1 time happens it truely does make up for all those other times, or I'm going to be supremly pissed.

p3

§ ¶Just another sucker

First off I hate how whenever I want to write an entry I get the dumb "Servers full!" message. It sucks not being 'gold' I guess.

Since I've been back home I've had lots of time to think about girls, and the relationships you have with them.

I've come to realize that I think a lot of times we get into relationships knowing full well they won't work in the long run, but we do it because at least for a little while we feel like we're wanted. We do dumb things all in the name of the "relationship", things we know in the end aren't really good for us, but at that specific moment in time it keeps things on an even keel.

But like we've known in our heads, doing these things just delays the inevietable. Usually only making things worse because now you're further entrenched in this "thing" you've gotten yourself into. What's most sad is the fact that it's not limited to guys, girls do it. How many times have you known a girl who isn't bad looking go for a guy who everyone, including her, know is a complete asshole only because she most likely doesn't feel wanted and/or appreciated.

I wish I could say "Just don't let yourself be suckered in because you want to feel wanted," but I can't. Mostly because I can't even do that, it's almost impossible to resist. Almost as hard as it is to resist singing the Mario theme whenever you hear it.

In conclusion girls suck and often times make me feel like this[13mb video file] often times.

p3

§ ¶Hungry Hungry Hippos

So wow, been a while since I've written in here. Mostly because for a while there wasn't much to write about because certain girls weren't sucking.

But that is how shall we say, in the past. Now? Now they suck almost as much as a hippo in Hungry Hungry Hippo despertly trying to gobble up all those little balls.

When I sit back and think about the past 8 months I think whenever a girl says she's not a "sucky" girl like everyone else. It means she's better at hiding it so that by the time you realize it, it's a bit too late.

p3

§ ¶Google clarifies.

§ ¶flat tire blues

When a girl starts crying it feels like a flat tire.

Move the vehicle out of public, grab the "Oh, it will be okay.."

-p2

§ ¶Someone else write something

Something, Something, girls, something, something, hahahaha.

-p2

§ ¶Nigritude Ultramarine is yum.

Some days you just want a tall glass of nigritude ultramarine.

-p2

§ ¶Something about something

It is hard having female friends is difficult. They are just friends, and you may compliment them like any other friends, but that is all it is.

Don't take any male compliment as a come on. It isn't. If things feel uncomfortable, I will just avoid being around you.

-p2

§ ¶Just incase you read this to help your relationships

Even if you know everything there is to know about relationships, you will never have a relationship that doesn't involve some sort of compromise.

It's how you handle those compromises. A perfect blend of giving, and not being taken advantage of, melded with recieving enough to keep you happy.

-p2

§ ¶This will become a broken link soon.

This is what women do to us.

I really have nothing else to say that cannot be said in that link right there.

-p2

§ ¶the beautiful stupidity of men.

I think the best thing about being a man is eating an entire pizza by yourself.

My tummy hurts.

-p2

§ ¶I smoke, but even I run fast from that.

Note to boys:

When using the restroom at a girl's place, always check for Paxil.

Run accordingly.

-p2

§ ¶It's in there somewhere.

I have this problem with socks.

I can't stand wearing socks with a hole on the bottom. It feels wrong. Even so, when I find out one of my socks has a tiny rip in the bottom, I can't help but stick my finger in there, wiggle it around and make it bigger, until the hole becomes so huge that I have to throw the sock away because it's unwearable.

I wasn't always like this, not until around the time I was finishing up high school. In junior high, I wouldn't think of replacing my socks until my parents physically dragged me to Mervyns to buy a new bundle. What was the point? Just socks.

This is why I think I'm going to be single for a while.

-p5.

§ ¶quoting a song, you can skip this.

To quote Ani Difranco....

We don't say everything that we could, so that we can say later, "Oh, you misunderstood."

-p2

§ ¶The restraining order blues.

Always remember, there is a fine line between actively persueing a woman, and stalking.

-p2

§ ¶You just got a new girlfriend? I thought you looked more attractive today..

I really appreciate people writing in the guestbook. It means a lot to me, but try and seperate your entries in there a week at a time. The forum is a good place for writing, and there's a community to reply to you. (A very friendly community.)

Girls will flirt with you more if you are happily in a relationship you wouldn't leave.

This isn't very helpful though, because you cannot pretend to be in such a wonderful relationship. It doesn't really work that way.

And when you're in one, obviously it doesn't help you that women suddenly want you.

And would you really want to leave a wonderful relationship for a woman who suddenly thinks your hot because you have a relationship?

That wouldn't last long.

-p2

§ ¶Waking Life

If your girlfriend's ex-boyfriend writes poems of how much he still loves her, and how their connection must hold through all of time.

And your girlfriend writes poems about how wonderful and memorable their time was together.

Do you have a problem?

-p2

§ ¶Stop being so scared of men!

I hate when women automatically assume that when I approach them to talk to them, I am trying to get them to sleep with me.

It makes it harder to sleep with them.

-p2

§ ¶girls are teh cooties omg lololol

http://The intarweb is teh yay!!11!

-p2

§ ¶oweeeee

a girl slammed my hand in a car door accidently at lunch.

girls sucks. :(

-p2 with hurting hand

§ ¶Women are from Crazy

Women are nuts. Really nuts.

But Men are really nuts for loving them.

-p2

§ ¶GS + Orkut = Fun

Hey! This will probably interest the more technically-inclined readers. Have you wanted to join Orkut but not been able to? Email me here (doug @ qpalzm . com) with your name and email address (to send the invite to), and I'll send an invite your way as soon as I read it.

If enough people sign up, we can get a Girls-Suck community going on there as well.

- Your pal,
p1

Current total: 6+ Girls-suck readers!

§ ¶this one is fake

Girls suck when they look pretty, and don't love you.

-p2

§ ¶i don't even understand what i mean

Women wonder why men will turn down sex while watching sports. They think that it reflects negatively on their husband's attraction to them.

This is not the case. Turning down sex for Sports is not sitting at an equal point, and deciding that watching sports is better than having great sex.

Once we have invested 2 hours into a game, it is 2 hours vs. the time remaining. Generally if this questioned is posed, 5 minutes left.

So we give up 2 hours of our time, but have absolutely no satisfaction. This 5 minutes holds our 2 hours.

You may not understand my convoluted arguement, but I swear it's true.

I will NEVER turn down sex if I'm in the mood. I'm in the mood 80% of the time.

If I turn it down, beileve me.. It's only temporarily. When you do it, it could be a week!

-p2

§ ¶the most important thing i've learned.

I learned something new this week. If you take a woman on vacation you will get great sex, very often.

I was unaware of this goldmine. I love vacations now!

-p2

§ ¶New Merch!

Hey everyone! I'm sure you've all be all so curious as to what I've been up to (not really, but you try writing an intro here), and I'm happy to say that all the emails asking for updated merchandise have not been wasted! It's taken a while, but new pieces are now finally available.

The new items are all here, and are a bit more stylish (read: less goofy) than the first merchandise. The new set is also cheaper than the old items and we have shirts cut specifically for females, and even fitten t-shirts now as well.

As always, if you have any questions or concerns (or want hats or hoodies), email me and I'll respond as soon as possible. Any actual profit (most items are priced at cost) will be used to upgrade GS to a Diaryland gold membership. Thanks again.

-Your pal
p1

§ ¶the tough questions.

Every man at some point has to answer one eternal question.

Who do you love most? Your woman, or your car.

This is never an easy answer, and has caused many men great trama.

-p2

§ ¶Love Rollercoaster

I am evenly a good boyfriend. I am neither terrible, nor great, all of the time.

Just good, all the time.

Girls, cannot do this.

They are great, then okay, then great, then bad, then great, then okay, then bad, then bad, then great, then great, then okay, then great, then bad, then good, then great.

Some girls have more of one word than another, but that's about it.

Me? Good, Good, Good, Good, Allright, Good, Good, Great, Good, Good, Eh..., Good, Good, Good, Bad, Good, Good, Good, Good, Good, Good, Great, Good.

I'm pretty boring, you are very exciting!

I never know when it's another rollercoaster. And I love everyone, because it's time together with you.

Women shouldn't be ashamed of their nature. They should love it. Not all women are like this.

But... 99.9% are.

-p2

PS. I did not intend to tout my greatness. I was actually trying to say how often I am not great, but in reality, how rarely great I am. I need to be great more often, as anyone I am with deserves to be treated as well as I can, for if I am with them, I love them quite dearly. So. Yeah. Add a lot more "eh?"s into mine. I'm not eh very much, but I always try to be very solid. I try to do what I can to make things good. I need to work in some more greats though. A backrub never hurts.

§ ¶Blah blah blah, I'm p5.

We were presenting our topics in Poli Sci 101 today, and as this girl was giving her presentation, she kept saying "Am I boring you guys?" and "I really didn't research this!" and "Oh, I'm so unprepared! Ha-ha!" and she felt these were the right things to say, because most of the people in the class were nervously laughing along with her.

But I didn't agree with her repeated self-deprecation. Or I didn't just agree; I agreed with her and I wanted to throw things at her. Shattering things. Watching someone purposely sap away their own self-confidence is one of the worst things in existence, right up there with watching me brush my teeth, and lemme tell ya it's like a toothpaste grenade went off above the sink. Ugh.

Next girl I meet, I'll shake her hand and say, "Hi, I'm witty, ambitious, and actually quite physically attractive to boot." And she'll think I'm an arrogant ass for quite a while, but at some point she may begin to wonder, what the hell does he have going on for him that's so great? What could possibly drive a person to be able to say something like that? And maybe she'll reconsider.

But the joke's on her! It's all a farce. There's no inner beauty here further than a disdain for the inner ugly.

-p5.

§ ¶a moment in time.

There is nothing more valuable to me than sharing a moment with someone.

I think part of the problem with relationships as they move on is you stop actively seeking out those moments.

That is what makes us, at least me, feel the most alive. The most human.

-p2

§ ¶p2 is dead

I would like to apologize for any negative things I've said in the past. I will not be posting here anymore because of the negative backlash I have recieved.

Thanks for reading.

-p2

§ ¶old loves lost

What were we feeling all of those times we loved before? It always seems like a very small fragment of what we have now.

Sometimes there is a small bump in that road, and you don't feel you connect with someone, but generally, at least over my life, I have loved stronger, and stronger with each new person.

But I never knew what love meant until now. Really. Never really understood what I was feeling. It didn't compare at all, and as I analized how I felt about others in my past, I realized.

I should have known.

It's extremely obvious now, and I should have figured that out.

-p2

§ ¶my walls are covered in cheese

Why do women want to be men?

Women always try to become good at what men are good at. Women always get extremely upset if you insist they are not as good at something.

I would never get upset that I doubt I would ever be able to put makeup on correctly. Or take care of a child adaquately. Or decorate.

-p2

§ ¶i am unintelligent when you don't agree with me.

Lots of women on their periods these days, huh? :)

-p2

§ ¶Calculated mozzarella.

It's bad when the two of you are each just a half of a person. You find out that addition can work out in this weird, dysfunctional manner, like that first day when your Pre-Algebra teacher told you that you could subtract 2 from 1. You cling long after you've stopped wanting to.

Even if you're both a whole 1 on your own, it doesn't always work out. You can be 1+1 for a while, and it's nice having that complement, but most of the time, you both figure out that you were more comfortable as the midpoint of 0 and 2.

It's the ones that are slightly more than a whole, the 1.2's, 1.5's and 1.6667's that have a slightly larger portion of life; these are the ones that are the neediest. Because that extra taste that they have makes them ravenous. When they get together, what's created is the stories and situations that make others cringe outwardly and burn inwardly-- after people like these meld, we wish we could have a fraction of what they have left over.

That sequence of words I just typed out finishes at this: there's this girl that I miss. She's a bajillion.

-p5.

(shouldn't be too hard to figure out which Shel Silverstein book I read again today)

§ ¶Mind Bullets

Whenever I see a woman cut me off in an suv that is twice the size of my car, i think...

feminism has arrived.

-p2

§ ¶never knowing what i knew then or now

Why is it that male aggression is displayed in movies, and television very often, yet women's insanity is rarely shown at all.

It's the sort of question like, why do charcters never use the restroom unless it's a plot device.

-p2

§ ¶gothy!

I hate when you bite your tongue to not get upset at someone, and then they get pissed off at you to deflect attention from how you should be pissed at them.

Now what to do with blood all in your mouth?

-p2

§ ¶advice that you can't use

enjoy each moment even though you won't

-p2

p.s. new link on the bottom. Check out words.

§ ¶morning sex rules.

I have never understood anyone who was single for a long time, and said they were happy about it.

Even as they say it, it sounds like they've convinced themselves.

I'm not saying you should depend on relationships for 100% of your happiness, but there is nothing more satisfying than lusting after the person you love.

-p2

(that, and beating mario brothers 3 for the first time)

§ ¶i love my cat.

People who say that they love their friends, don't know what love means.

-p2

§ ¶It was Ms. Peacock

Have you ever had a relationship you wouldn't do over if given the chance? Did you ever feel as though you had all of the clues to make the correct decision but wouldn't?

-p2

§ ¶a chinese firedrill

Why is it that when a woman wants romance, and a guy doesn't feel like romance, it's the guy's fault?

And why is it that when a guy wants some hardcore pounding, and the woman doesn't feel like it, it's the guys fault?

-p2

P.S. Why is it that when a guy wants "doesn't matter what I put in here" , and the woman doesn't feel like it, it's the guys fault.

It's as if whatever we want is inherantly unworthy.... But I like watching basketball!

§ ¶Just call me Nitro!

I don't need a woman to make me happy.

... Actually I do...

Who doesn't need the other sex to make them happy? I mean.. other things make me happy. A woman isn't the sole source of my happiness...

But there is a stark difference between a sultry kiss with a beautiful woman, and playing American Gladiators on a nintendo emulator.

-p2

§ ¶i'm registered at macys

I think you should get gifts during a divorce. Like, new clothes, a set of weights, etc...

-p2

§ ¶strangiosity.

Girls are strange.

-p2

§ ¶memories from the past stain my well being

There are a lot of songs that sing about a guy's desire to make you mine.

This isn't a quest for control, but of truth. My whole life I have wanted love to be a universal truth, something that doesn't need to be debated, and doesn't get questioned. No room for wonder, or past regrets. No room for freeze dried feelings kept protected by memory which distorts as time goes on.

That two people both have the same understanding, and commitment to the other without wondering doubts that lay at night.

For all of my relationships that I knew were bad before they started, I could easily attribute it to incompatibility, or over use of commas, or her.

That is an undervalued fear in a wonderful relationship. That failure ultimately dooms your hope for anything but this game which I cannot win.

The repeating theme is that everything is fine for a year or two, and then she starts looking for what I cannot give her.

This could be me, but I have the feeling that it's more a consequence of male/female relations. The dreams of what is being missed.

It is irrelevant what is being missed, or if there is any value (to her) in it, just that it cannot be had.

And that is the fucking sickness is all of this.

Once you can be had, have been had, are understood like all good lovers should, you are immediately not something else.

Your value is not as important as what you are lacking. We are all lacking.

I have this urgent sense to avoid having this play out. I want to run.

I want to never experience the deteriation. I want to forever to remember things the way they are now.

Maybe I am just too upset to make sense.

I am sick and tired of justifying my value. I am valuable. I am meaningful. I am wonderful.

And yet, everyday is a struggle to insist that I'm more worthy than anyone else out there, imaginary or not.

I feel as though any struggle just delays the inevitable.

I don't want to fight it. I don't want to care, although I do.

Girls fucking suck because they are impossible to win with. No matter what you do, no matter how nice you are, no matter how much you give, you cannot win.

The game is rigged. You have been duped. The only question is to give up, or to play a game you know you'll lose.

If any of you have gambling additions, then you will understand this statement very well.

The feeling of losing at a casino table, and spending more money than you planned on.

The feeling of need to go back to redeem yourself...

It's the exact same feeling, I mean EXACT same feeling as trying to save a relationship you are losing.

and it sucks.

-p2

§ ¶i am deep.

I think that relationships would not be so scary if women were predictable at all.

At any point, she could flip out and start sleeping with a guy named John who works at the art mueseum. Then she'll always go to the art mueseum, and will ask if you want to go, knowing you don't want to go.

And if you say you want to go, she will change it somehow so that you can't go.

And you'll think she just likes art, but she doesn't. She likes guys that like art. She doesn't know why either.

And if you ask her while she's taking a line of coke with John, she might just mention something about how insightful he is.

Then you'll be forced to realize that this isn't a problem with you. This is a problem with her.

She is the flakey, self centered sort of girl that would get involved with John, and the concept of anything otherwise was you protecting yourself.

You were a normal, nice enough guy. But you didn't work at an art muesuem.

You didn't thrill her, because you already happened. You were done.

You were ready to be content in your relationship, while she was still wanting to be thrilled by something that she wanted to be but couldn't.

Something she could have amazement in to counteract her own feelings of meaninglessness. To counter the feeling every time she looks in the mirror.

-p2

§ ¶Not from a stranger, not from you.

Random fact: I have never known a photographer who didn't get into it for the fringe benefits (artsy people and lots of sex).

That being said, now ignore that, and on to the entry!

To continue along the topic I began on an earlier day, I'd like to propose a good idea. It's a good idea for people in general, but works better for people in relationships. It's not necessarily a 'guy thing' or a 'girl thing,' it's just a thing. Dig?

As time goes on, we all naturally become a little more worn down by constant negative things flying in all directions. Even if you're not directly involved in these things, their presence is enough to taint things (think of yourself as something good; if you lived in a neighbourhood full of crack dealers, you'd start to not feel so wonderful). What I propose is that if someone you're in a relationship (of whatever kind and standing), and that person does anything that has no root in sensible thinking; goes flying off the handle undeservedly, freaks out over things that other people have done to other people, or just generally loses their mind over something that has nothing to do with their life, turn and without saying anything, walk away.

Naturally the first time you do this, you're most likely to come across even more nonsense- that's okay, the idea here is either have them "shake their sillies out" and realise they're being stupid or to have them never stop being that way and have yourself out of the situation. I can almost guarantee that you'll probably get someone who is yelling even more, and moreso this time it'll be directed at you, but if you explain why you walked away- that you won't put up with behaviour from someone you're with that you wouldn't put up with in a stranger- at least they then have a chance at understanding what they were doing to themselves and (let's face it, more importantly) you. (since people who frequently lose control of their emotions don't have the wherewithal to monitor themselves)

With some luck, over time, they'll calm down more- at the very least they should learn to calm down around you, and your dealings with them will then on be far more beneficial. For their sake they'll hopefully learn to calm down in general.

Naturally, if they don't learn, or treat you with more disrespect, you can keep on walking away, and just not come back. Do you really want to be with someone who can't take care of their own mind, let alone be good to yours?

Your pal

-p1

§ ¶not trying to rub it in.

I can't think of anything to put here.

-p2

§ ¶Zero plus Zero equals Fag

There is nothing more satisfying than convincing the woman of your dreams that you are worthy enough to marry.

Even if it does mean no more peeing in the shower.

-p2

§ ¶hehehe, he said "salt"

What type of girl is sexually aroused by the statement, "Shake it like a salt shaker."...?

Also, where would I find said girls?

-p2

§ ¶The most entertaining phone conversation ever!

I hate when guys call for your girlfriend.

"Hi... is Susan there.."

"....She's asleep..."

"Allright... this is Joe... is she gonna be up soon..."

".... I don't know...."

"Allright... well.... just.... tell her I called."

"Right, bye..."

-p2

§ ¶Great emails to me!

I'm away for a few days, so this is my only update until I get back. I thought I'd share a lovely email I just got! And a bonus of my response!

Subject: P1: You Smoke Pole
Quoting Amos5150@aol.com:

Look Junior...If you're going to run your mouth, at least be witty or mildly intellegent. You seem to talk an awful lot for a guy who has absolutely nothing to say. And for the record kid, if it wasn't for a woman, your sorry ass wouldn't be here today. Unfortunately for your parents, hindsight is futile.

Just thought I'd fill you in....have a nice day. Fag.

And my response:

Subject: Re: P1: You Smoke Pole

Nice AOL account. Who's the "fag" now, dummy?

And who is this "record kid"? Can I meet him? I bet he's rad. (future hint: use commas correctly!)

Thanks for the email,
Doug

I also found this page (http://www.geocities.com/amos5150/), which is most likely his, and judging by the photos of the people he's uploading, he's either into some odd sex acts or needs to do a little genetic pruning himself.

Back in a couple days to continue the series of entries I started on the 26th.

Your pal

-p1

And, a secret insight through the "hi-tek/k-rad" GS email system:

To: p2
From: p1

I just posted a 'great' email I got. It's funny- the one and only negative response I got to the entry was someone with an AOL account who uses the word 'fag' (is it still 1989? I forgot. Crap.) and can't use a comma or ellipses properly.

Thank you, for the rest of you, you are smart enough. (and thank you to "Lovely Rodney" who sent me the extra L in elipses that I had forgotten, I take it as an L of lust, just so you know)

§ ¶A secret shared.

Okay, I'm sorry that it took so damn long, but I need to share a secret with all of you. Guys, you can leave right now, because this is just between me and the ladies- no, don't worry, I'm not going to try anything crafty and surely win their hearts, I'm just going to let them in on a secret that we should have told them a long time ago:

We don't need you.*

*But we will sometimes enjoy your company. I know this may come as somewhat of a shock, but we don't need you around. More often than not you don't present any true benefit to our lives, but as I said, we definitely enjoy your company.

Now, I'm not saying that we need you to go away, that's definitely not the case. I just want you to know that we don't need you, and the only reason we keep you around (as we assume the only reason you keep us around) is that having you around is better than the alternative.

I'll expand on this topic in the next few days. I'll "break it down" if you'll let me, and hopefully in the end you'll understand it as something not mean-spirited, and as what it actually is, the truth. Just as beneficial for you as it should be for us.

Your pal,

-p1

§ ¶victory for the blind

There is nothing more satisfying to a woman than for her to tell you that we are unhappy.

I was unaware of that. Thanks of updating me. I was smiling way too much for the situation. That may have given others an incorrect expression of our relationship, and it's current state.

I apologize.

-p2

§ ¶Age matters.

I don't think women have the ability to have a worthwhile relationship until the age of 20.

Everything else is just illogical hoops to get to 20.

-p2

§ ¶if only we were gay.

No matter how much girls suck, we still love them.

-p2

EDIT: Just because we still love "Girls" in the plural, global sense, does not mean we will take your crap. Thanks. -p2

§ ¶Coldplay still sucks

How is it that each individual stand of hair is perfect?

I look like a mess, and you look like you've spent hours on each strand.

I think this is what you do instead of sleep.

-p2

§ ¶Silly Rabbit.

Menstration is quite possibly the most mystical, and magical thing on this planet.

Mostly because I am more apt to beileve a man walked on water, than to find any logic within the conversation of a woman who albeit means well, makes absolutely no sense.

-p2

§ ¶coldplay sucks

Why does it feel like I am always competeing with your image of what love should be?

-p2

§ ¶Happy loving couples make it look so easy.

I'll know I've found the woman of my dreams when she'll admit she's only yelling at me because she's on her period, and not because I decided to spell colour with a u.

-p2

§ ¶never enough for you too.

Happiness isn't possible for men, because the second men are happy, there will be a woman there saying she isn't.

-p2

§ ¶It's not that far... and it's not hot yet!

My birthday is in 2 days. I will be alone on my Birthday. :(

I have been invited to help a friend of mine move on my birthday. That's lovely.

Someone throw me a party. You can all come to Tempe!

-p2

§ ¶bad religion rules

If we could harness the power of a woman's mood swings, we would never need oil again.

-p2

§ ¶tons of information no one noticed

All the information I know about women is data. Hints to an actual answer that doesn't exist.

-p2

§ ¶even if it's just for a few days

girls suck when they're gone. :(

-p2

§ ¶you know it

When life gives you lemons, it's girls who usually handed them to you.

-p2

§ ¶I am romantic.

When I wake up, the only thing I want to see is you laying next to me.

in a tree.

with a bee.

flea.

-p2

§ ¶somethings better left unsaid.

If you didn't smell so good, i'd replace you with a pillow.

-p2

§ ¶You dried up little sponge you.

I, for one, hate close-minded people. But even more so, close-minded people who don't think that they are as such. They say clever stuff like, "Oh, I'm open minded, but opinionated!" and then proceed to flip their ears shut as soon as they stop talking.

Moron.

You know how this makes you? This makes you goddamn snap-shut-like-a-clamshell-close-minded, and I don't mean with the possibility of a fucking pearl. Sure, you smirk and nod, but here's the news: I hate you and so do the children.

Oh, and if you're a girl that's like this, most of the time, yeah, usually this makes you suck.

-p5.

EDIT: Isn't saying you hate closed minded people even the slightest bit ironic?

I don't mind closed minded people at all. I can always expect what they are going to do. It's those open minded people who drive me nuts.

-p2

REPLY: Heh, well it's good to know that I'd drive you nuts.

-p5.

§ ¶Get the memo

Why is it that breaking a nail can be a cause of hysteria for a woman?

It's as if they never got the memo about the level of upset that you should be for given circumstances.

Just because things didn't turn out the way you planned, it does not mean that the entire day is ruined, and that killing yourself, or others is the only option.

Let's all relax.

-p2

§ ¶okay, it's never enough.

Ever have the feeling that you care about someone so much that being a part of their life is enough?

-p2

§ ¶but I don't give you a way to contact me

Valentine's day is officially over. My birthday is on the 21st of Feb. I expect many gifts from the readers of the site.

Just send me the bad Valentine's day gifts you got.

Edit: No, I do not want the ugly Teddy he bought you.

-p2

§ ¶Help for Valentine's day.

Looking to buy a Valentine's gift for that special girl? We're here to help you out!

The key to buying a Valentine's gift for a woman is to purchase something without any actual use. Inanimate objects are good.

Shiny inanimate objects cannot be beat. The only thing that beats Shiny inanimate objects is things that will be gone soon.

Like Flowers, or Chocolates! Anything that will not exist in a couple weeks. Not only does it not have a productive use, it also has a short lifespan!

The only thing better than Flowers?

Inanimate shiny objects that have a use, but will never get use.

The only way to top getting something with no use, is to get something with a use, that can never be used.

Like a ornate candle. With a landscape, and lots of birds, flowing water.

She'll never actually use it.. which is perfect. (Key note, if you ever light the candle, it will be held over your head for the rest of your life.)

So, stay away from useful gifts, like blenders, and coffee pots, and go useless.

This year for Valentine's Day I'm giving my girlfriend a jewel encrusted stick shift for her car.

She drives an automatic.

-p2

§ ¶Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day.

I wonder sometimes about the validity of the holiday. Wrapped up in religious symbols, and corperate values, I find it difficult to really take a hold of what someone means to me.

Quanifying emotion is difficult enough without the requirement that the day brings.

You HAVE to do something for Valentine's day. You are a heartless bastard if you don't.

And we all want hearts. I think that's why we hand out little chalk tasting candies with sayings. So that someone somewhere will know that we care enough to spend a $1.25.

Because that's what the holiday is about. Spending money. That's why my favourite Holiday is flag day.

There are no Flag day purchases. You don't run out to the store for their 24 hour flag day sales-a-thon.

And you don't buy chalk tasting candy with a flag on it.

The money doesn't bother me, the fact that it isn't optional does. If you force me to do something, I'm going to like it less regardless of if I really want to do it or not.

I just want an option.

Every year on Valentine's day it feels like everytime I say, "I love you" or anything positive, it doesn't seem real. I almost have to sign a notarized document saying that I'm not just saying this because it's Valentine's day. Really, I mean it.

I do.

I don't want to detract from anyone's day. It is a very special time. Just try to express to the ones you love just how much they mean to you a little more.

And nag a little less. Who cares if the door was left open? It really doesn't matter.

I love you all.

-p2

§ ¶still not complaining.

Pretty eyes make me melt.

-p2

§ ¶Mildly complaining...

Girls have beautiful claws as well.

-p2

§ ¶or was it a rock?

The only reminder of our love is the broken mirror you gave to me.

-p2

§ ¶Nodding along to the soundtrack from Full Trucker Effect

Why is it that when a girl complains about something, I must do something to correct the issue.

But when a guy complains about something, the guy is just complaining.

"Why must you always complain? You have been getting on my case for the last week!"

A guy can't say that. It's insensitive.

There is a huge double standard in how men get treated. The difference is, we don't whine about it as much. Yes, dear.. sure dear.. kill a dear? Got it...

-p2

§ ¶if you really want to know

I'm not quiet cause I'm mad, I'm quiet because there isn't anything I could say to you that would get you to stay quiet.

Not responding is the closest option.

-p2

§ ¶see, i'm not complaining.

A good kiss is better than a good movie.

-p2

§ ¶not that this would ever happen.

Girls have a way of messing up everything. Why do I get the feeling that at some point the writers of G-S will fight over a girl, and destroy the site?

Final act of Irony?

-p2

§ ¶just trying something else on to see if it fits.

Why is it that the better boyfriends that we are, the easier it is to leave us?

-p2

§ ¶Sir!

Ahem.

Here is something to cheer everyone up:

Thank you for your time.

-p5.

§ ¶happy fun action man

Sometimes I pretend that you are still alive.

-p2

§ ¶short description of this lifetime

Misguided. Females.

Yup.

-p2

§ ¶What is love?

Yesterday, I was talking to someone while walking backwards, while a girl was talking to someone walking backwards, and then we both turned and ran into each other.

... And that's what love is like to me.

-p2

§ ¶too much hope

Sometimes I find that with a little luck, you'll find the woman of your dreams.

I also buy lottery tickets.

-p2

§ ¶How did I become this bitter?

The Superbowl always reminds me of the time when i was 17.

My girlfriend of a year and a half decided to have sex with a friend of hers while on coke while I watched a subpar football game.

.... And who says girls aren't considerate?

-p2

§ ¶who is uncle tom? you are.

i don't trust anything that bleeds for 7 days, and doesn't stop yelling.

-p2

§ ¶never about you

i've forgotten how to feel.

oh wait, there it goes again.

-p2

§ ¶mourning the death of youth

when things are low, i always feel like i can turn to alochol.

-p2

§ ¶What his Valentine's gift really means

If he buys you flowers = he wants to get laid
If he buys you chocolate = he wants to get laid
If he buys you a favorite movie/cd = he wants to get laid
If he buys you some sort of jewlery = he wants to get laid all week long
If he buys you lingerie of some sort = he wants you to change into it right now and get laid
If he just gets you one of those single roses they sell at the grocery store = he almost forgot what day it was, but still wants to get laid

p3

§ ¶delete my posts, I eat your children

yer wickid lame.

-p2

§ ¶"Well maybe you shouldn't have stayed out so late."

Girls, specifically my little sister, suck when you come home at four a.m. and you ring the doorbell but they don't wake up because they fell asleep with headphones on so you have to pull a ladder from the side of the house and use it to clamber up onto the roof, let me remind you that it's four fucking a.m., carefully navigate over to her window and knock the hell out of it, simultaneously waking her up and scaring the shit out of her, so that she'll open the door for you.

And once you're finally inside, you know what? The Cocoa Puffs are practically gone. Fuckin' un-believ-able!

-p5.

Note: anyone who actually thinks that I think my sister sucks has a big smelly face.

§ ¶No, all the lights.

The lines I was saying would've fit on an early episode of Full House, but she kept laughing, so I knew the conversation was going well. When I would catch her eye, she blushed like crazy and turned away, and I almost keeled over; it's been that long since someone's been interested in me. And then, when Randy Newman squeezed himself out of her left ear and started singing "You Can Leave Your Hat On", I woke up, vigorously shook my head, went downstairs, and ate a really, really big bowl of cereal.

-p5.

§ ¶-

I don't know what to beileve anymore.

-p2