§ ¶it's hard enough to figure out what they're thinking when they're in the room

Even if I had psychic powers, to figure out what she thinks about me now, they'd have to be powerful enough to cross national boarders.

I guess for now all I can do is keep hoping, until I visit her in February.  That's... that's not too long anymore, since January's just around the corner now.

-p5

§ ¶will you do the same when I leave?

I remember savoring your scent once the sun stole you away.

-p5

§ ¶it's harder than curling ever has been, and if you're any good at it, you deserve a medal

I'm beginning to realize just how hard it is to get good head these days.

-p5

§ ¶someday I would like to write as well as the man that once proclaimed, "I am dynamite"

It was one of those movie script moments.  She was talking about her old boyfriend a little bit, and somehow we got to the fact (I can't quite remember how... it was five in the morning and we were a bit drunk) that she had never had "one of those lovey-dovey relationships," but that's what she's always wanted.  So I told her to look me up when we get back to the States, because I'm a hopeless romantic.  When she said "really" the way she said it - sort of surprised, and hoping that I wasn't kidding - and how she looked at me, ever-so-slightly too jaded to take what I said at face value, all I could muster up was a half-surprised "yeah" and a sincere little smile.  But that was all it took.  We kissed; it was simple, it was beautiful, it was like fate.  We just kept kissing until we fell asleep.

When we woke up to my alarm that was set to go off two hours later so that she could make her flight, and we kissed again, it was that sweet, remorseful kiss that the Montague must have bestown on his Capulet.  Only it was the Capulet leaving and it was only an exile in der geistige Sinn.  Between lamentations of leaving and loneliness, she left, with many, yes still too few kisses, and promises of return and reclamation.  But after all this, after its utter reality, it seems now as a dream.  Her bags were on my floor for just nine hours but they owned that space and her body was laying in my bed for maybe three, but it still smelled of her last night, and when I look over at the end of my bed where we were watching Lost in Translation on this computer, I can't help but question if it actually happened; if all this truly transpired or if it was all some bizarre hallucination, some acid flashback that I will have had years after I'll have taken it, and in the morning I'll wake up and be a starving artist on Tottenam Court Road.  Because today, the day after she left, life was so normal.  Even yesterday, once she left, I showered, went to class, came back, ate, and went to bed.  The only special thing about yesterday was that when I slipped the covers over me, I could tell where she slept.  That was gone by morning and now all I have are shaky memories from a nether-time in some Dali-esque region of my wine- and sleeplessly-addled cerebrum.

I guess at this point I can only hope it's true and that someday before too long I'll find myself in her corner of Spain or she'll book a flight back here and we can look each other over and confirm that, yes, we drank that bottle of wine in the park - I know my wine's gone and there are two dirty glasses still sitting on my table - and, yes, we did kiss like they do in the movies and wouldn't mind doing it again, and, yes, she did share my bed, because she fits so perfectly on it that it may as well be her glass slipper, and, yes, her stuff was on my floor for those nine hours, because it is again dominating the landscape, as if to say, "Many are here, I am here.  But soon, she will not be here."  And it will be right, because, if this was not a dream, and if she does come back, although I will not have drunk a priest's drugs, the time will, indeed, be too short.  I can only hope that our crossed stars cross back home and not just in a foreign land with strange tongues and alien ways that leave one asking, "What country, friends, is this?"

-p5

§ ¶inspiration: serious fucking business

I stopped The Doors to write a song about it all.  With a little work, I think it could be decent.  For my work, anyway.

-p5

§ ¶I am Jack's utter stupidity

I've been waiting for her to get online all day, and now that she is, I don't know what to do.  This is horrible.  I feel like I'm in high school again.  No, this isn't as good as high school... I feel like I'm in middle school again.

-p5

§ ¶on knowing when not to move forward

She seemed like she wanted to be kissed, so I kissed her.

§ ¶it'll be gone by morning

When I climbed into bed last night, I could still smell you where you slept.

§ ¶Last night I had a dream

My bed might just be a little warmer tonight, even without you in it.

-p5

§ ¶it's like having the biggest, warmest teddy bear ever

How could I forget how nice it is to sleep with someone?

-p5

§ ¶fail

When if comes to women, this is the only word that I know.

-p5

§ ¶If you think American girls are hard....

If level one is "friends", level three is "lovers", and level two is the one with the giant octopus that keeps killing you, then I keep running straight into that first goomba in level one.

-p5

§ ¶I try not to think about it all every minute or so

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know where to begin.  This girl I kind of like messaged me on Skype today, so we chatted a while, and it came up that at the moment, I was playing guitar.  "Oh, can I come over?" she asked.  Of course I said yes, and she said she'd be over between eight and nine; true to her word, a little before nine, she came it, we chatted for a while - among the topics of conversation, the fact that she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now and the various times she and her boyfriend have broken up - and she asks to hear some songs.

We continue to chat and I continue to play for a couple hours, we drink some wine, and at first she never looks at me.  Then, as the night wears on, she'll occasionally catch my eye, and I'll sing to her directly, instead of either closing my eyes or looking off, which is generally my prefered method, anyway.

But the point is, sometimes, I'd be singing something romantic, and she'd catch my eye, and we'd look at each other for a while....  But, when she had to go (she has a presentation tomorrow), no nothing - I couldn't even get close if I tried, other than putting her coat on for her.  She also sat on the floor, instead of my bed - which is the only place to sit other than a chair in my room, which I suppose she assumed I would take.  Now, I think that she likes to sit on the floor, but still....

Girls-suck.

-p5

p.s. Mad props to anyone who knows what song that is in the title and first sentence.

§ ¶you wake up one day in the last chance saloon and find your last chance has been and gone

I will laugh when your marriage fails, if he comes back.  You're 18.  What are you thinking?  You've known him since April.  And you got engaged before you even got to college.  How could you possibly be ready to spend the rest of your life with someone you don't even know?

Gah, the whole family's fucked up.  I wash my hands of them.  But, I had hopes for you, until all this.  You let me down.

-p5

§ ¶i'm reversing down this lonely street to a cheap hotel where I can meet the past - pay it off, keep it sweet

I think I'm more in love with the Libertines than I ever was with any girl in my life.

-p5

§ ¶girls work funny

She left her necklace here so that when I woke up, I'd think of her.

-p5

§ ¶tomorrow is a new and probably terribly awkward day

I just walked a girl down the hall at just before six a.m. to her ex's room, where she's staying while she's visiting him and Munich, who is a friend of mine and the reason that I know her, after we made out for about four hours.

This takes the cake for weirdest thing so far to happen in Germany.

-p5

§ ¶opportunities passing by

I like to wave to them as they leave my sight.

-p5

§ ¶coming up on four years to the day

I sometimes think back to that night when you stretched on that giant pillow in my basement, and how it was then that I realized how attractive you were; later, when I mentioned it to you, you said you had planned it that way.

How did the rest of your plans for us go, I wonder?

-p5

§ ¶Succe-FAIL

I need to figure out German dating habits.

Met a cute girl last night, we had a good time, today I see her holding hands with some guy.  That said, when she saw me they stopped; and apparently she glanced back as she was leaving the stairwell (there were a few of us talking and waiting for someone).  Is this good?  I'm not optimistic.

Oh, and I got the "just friends" talk with the Ukranian girl in the program.

I am a winner.

-p5

§ ¶fancy rings on left fingers

I decry them!

-p5

§ ¶maybe it has to do with purging

Sometimes I get my most introspective while I'm sitting on the toilet.

Not even I'm really comfortable with it.

-p5

§ ¶aphorisms on failure

On Melancholy.— An actuality can never live up to its ideal; what is real and attainable never as wonderful as what we think something could be.  I cannot compete with an ideal.  But, wouldn't I fail, even if there were a competition between equals?  Are so many men so much better than I?  I can only assume, yea.

The Absence of Fate.— It used to be I blamed fate – unhappy circumstances I could do nothing about.  When fate became too constant, I looked at myself.  Now I see that, as is often the case, neither is right, yet both are.  Still, one cannot change or fight fate; and so one must look to oneself.  It is all one can do.

-p5

§ ¶giving up

It's what I do best.  I gave up on the girl I held hands with a month or so ago a little less than a month ago.  Then I started hanging out with a few different people and with this Ukranian girl, and I kind of dug her.  Well, I'm pretty sure I just got the "just friends" talk.  I mean, not really, she just said she didn't really like anyone in the program, just her boyfriend back in the States.  So... I guess I'll just give up.

After all, I'm really good at that.

-p5

§ ¶on hangovers

In a way, I'm kinda hungry, but in another way, I never want to eat again.

-p5

§ ¶after three hours, I wanted to marry her

While I was in Stockholm this summer, I met a girl in a bar on my last night there.  Then I wrote a song about it.

She was amazing.  Much more impressive than most American girls I've met.  But that's another story for when I have more time.  At the end of the night, I said I'd be studying in Germany this year, and so could I have her email address; she gave it to me, saying that she'll either be in Rome or in London, working.  I've been meaning to email her since I got here, but kept forgetting or remembering when I couldn't do it.  Finally, two days ago and drunk like a dumbass (drinking two Oktoberfest Masses, one in about ten minutes, then going back to your friend's apartment and drinking rum... wonderful but maybe stupid), I email her.

And today, she emailed me back.  Charming as ever.  And I got two x's at the end of the email.  I am awesome.  Now I need to figure out when I can get to London....  Crucial.

-p5, the silly little girl, apparently

§ ¶the guys had to talk me out of apologizing

Yesterday I was supposed to get Thai food with this girl (see bellow), but she had some shopping to do with a friend, so I told her to knock on my door when she was done.  That didn't happen.  What's more, instead of waiting in my room, I started hanging out with someone, we grabbed our guitars, went outside with a small group of our program who were grilling chicken, she walked by, and didn't say a word.

Clearly the only solution was to get really drunk.  So I did.  Hours later she came and sat down at the table we were all at and complained of being cold, so I took off my jacket and handed it to her.  Not thirty seconds later I find it on my lap again.  She said that she feels there's a commitment, or some bullshit, when someone offers you a coat.  So she took a coat from the girl sitting next to her, who then got cold and took my coat.

Girls are such a mindfuck.

-p5

§ ¶bad at the follow-up

I'm really bad at following up.  The first step I'm getting pretty good at, but the second step, I'm terrible at.

What is the second step, anyway?

-p5

§ ¶woke up with a hangover trying to piece the night together

(note: this was written Saturday about Friday night, but I didn't have internet, so I'm posting it now.  -p5)

Well, I’m in Munich until late July now.  Way too late to turn back, I’m studying here this year.  But, maybe the introspection I’ve done (because I certainly haven’t been doing German all summer) has paid off, because it almost seems like I have a chance with a girl in the program I’m in.  I mean, last night was our first Friday, and the program actually gave us free beer and all that, so we socialized and had a good time; eventually we all split up, and, long story short, a couple hours later I’m walking out of the club in the Studentenstaat (which are basically student apartments in Germany: there are about three thousand students in them, and they also have a couple bars, including one twenty floors up, bistros, and a club) with this girl because she wants to get out of the Studentenstadt.  Since the Englischer Gartens are supposed to be nearby, I suggest that, and when she starts going the wrong direction, I grab her hand to guide her; after a minute she take her hand away, saying “too romantic.”  Apparently she’s just gotten out of something.  She didn’t elaborate, and I didn’t care to ask: after all, what does it really matter, and the last thing I want to do at this point is talk about an ex.  Well, apparently it wasn’t too too romantic, because a couple minutes later she takes my hand again.

We didn’t find the Gardens, but we did find an old dirt road with lots of fields and forests.  We found a fence and hopped it, and ended up on private property; when a motion-sensor light came on, we were off.  While we were in a field, she wanted to take a picture…of the field.  It didn’t come out so well, so I suggested we take one of us in the field, which would be more memorable anyway, I thought.  She handed the camera to me, citing my longer arms, and I took a miserably blurry picture; even the thought that I was drunk isn’t much comfort there.  But, upon seeing that it was shit and asking to take another one, she said “No, there’s plenty of time, we have eleven months here;” somehow, I don’t think she was talking about the picture.

We eventually found our way back to the student club, where we both danced with different people, as if to prove to each other that we could.  Five of us decided to go to a friend’s room, to continue the party there.  Once there, no one really drank or danced, but we just talked and whatnot; the two that started making out in the club (one of whom which has become fast friends – we’ve only been here since Thursday – with the girl I’m interested in, and who encouraged me in the club, which I took as a good sign) went out onto the porch and stayed there.  The girl I shared the walk with was somewhat taciturn, though not before I had a nice little conversation with her about classical music, which she claimed nobody cared about.  Hopefully that’ll help things.  But, after a few tacit minutes from her, she left, saying she was going to go to bed.  I stayed a little while, chatting with another kid in the program, but then we both left as well and went to bed.

So now I’m awake, hangover fading, and wondering where, exactly, I stand; I was supposed to meet the group from last night in ten minutes and go dirndl and lederhosen shopping, but seeing as I’m not showered, nor in possession of any kitchenware, I think I’ll pass for today and hope to catch this girl before the day is out and ask if she wants to really explore the gardens tomorrow.  Well, here’s to chance, and here’s to hoping that the best thing in my love life in three years is just around the corner.

Cheers,
-p5

§ ¶Deutschland, Deutschland über mich

Even though campus is filling up, I'm feeling more lonely than I have all summer.  Perhaps it's because campus is filling up that I feel this way.  After all, I won't be a part of it this year; the crowd going down to the opening football game of the season was staggering, and even though I still consider the team "my" team, I won't have any way of watching any of the games.  I'll just have to get the scores post-facto online in Munich.  Ten months.  It's the longest I'll have been away from my hometown (and college town - great towns to grow up in) since I was born.  I won't see many friends or family, come September 12th, until late next July, at the earliest.  It's starting to sink in, now that move-in is complete and everyone's on campus again, with the exception of a few stragglers (one of whom is a dear friend).  But, what I am giving up must be worth it for what I am gaining - a year studying at LMU in Munich, Germany.  That'll be something.  Still... I guess I didn't realize just how mixed that bag was until now.

There's nowhere to go now but forward, to Germany.

-p5

§ ¶A meaningless movement, a movie script ending

People never say goodbye like they do in the movies.

-p5

§ ¶before rushing to the airport

It's funny, but I have more regret over a love that never was - a few dates that I screwed up and a girl I can't get over - than I do over the girl that crushed me.  Of course, the one was this past spring, and the other was two and a half years ago, but who knows the difference?

I guess time really does heal all.

-p5

§ ¶can't make this not sound wrong

So, I was cruising the internet, as I am occasionally wont to do, and I found a picture of an aquaintance of mine (we're not very close, but she went to my high school, we have mutual friends, our fathers work together, etc.) in a revealing pose.  I mean, I wasn't on a skin site, and it wasn't anything ridiculous - it wasn't a particularly revealing picture; there were no body parts showing, exactly.  It was just really weird.  I mean, it really came out of nowhere, and now I feel like I need to get it out of my system that this happened.  To see a girl I know posted on some random site on the internet....  Which means that someone she knows has that picture, and is posting it on the web... so in a sense I feel like I should tell her, but I also don't want to come off sounding lascivious, because there was nothing lascivious about my activities.  I mean, if there were, I'd be in a slightly different boat, because what she'd probably think of me would be true... but as it's not (and as that wouldn't alleviate any desire to not tell her), I'm kind of in a quandary.  I just don't know what to do, if anything.

Weird weird weird.

-p5

in b4 barrel roll

§ ¶just finished the seventh

Is it sad that I'm so lonely that I vicariously have a relationship through Harry?

-p5

§ ¶Once upon a time I remembered her name.

I get the feeling that when I'm sitting alone waiting for that special someone, that special someone is sitting alone waiting for me.

Our lack of action binds us to our loneliness. We are at one with each other by not being with each other at all.

-p2

§ ¶Best lightsaber dream I've ever had.

I just had a dream that I had to learn how to use a lightsaber because I was a classics student.  I guess the Jedi are sort of the classicists of the Star Wars universe... only they can kill people.

-p5

§ ¶I must not be dateable.

I must not be.

§ ¶Let's do it in my grandmother's house

I wonder if anyone's ever said it.  I wonder if they followed through.

§ ¶I hear rambling is good for you

So, I just saw on Facebook (yay, Facebook, giving you all the information you should have gotten personally via profile updates) that two really good friends of mine broke up.  They'd been going out for 19 months, and, really, I could see it coming, but it's still saddening.  I mean, they worked really well together; sure, they both had their faults (one's a divorced, workaholic, single-mother psychiatrist's daughter whose father died a couple years ago from expiremental bio-weapon testing the U.S. did in Vietnam, and the other's a Lutheran; I think the psychiatrist's daugher is better off), but they fit together, fell in love, made love for the first time (both of them), and stayed together for a good, long time.

Now, the philosopher in me says that it's not exactly sad - that it's natural, and was inevitable, and it's simply closing one chapter of their lives and opening a new one, which isn't sad - in reality, it's hopeful.  That's similar to the way I at least attempt to view death, although I don't believe in an afterlife.  So, it's closing the book, instead - but if it's a rich book, why mourn?  A life well-lived is to be celebrated; but I digress.  I agree with myself - it's not sad, exactly; but, it still is, in a way.  So, I guess the solution is to say, what they had was good, and I'm happy that they had it, and now it's over, and there are even better things - for both of them - on the horizon, though I love them both.  After all, if they were truly good enough - if they truly fit well enough with each other, then they wouldn't have broken up.

I suppose that this was a rather long entry for nothing.  But, I think later tonight I might raise a glass for them, anyway.

Cheers.

-p5

§ ¶Everybody's moving out

In this sort of situation, few things are better than walking in heavy rain listening to Transatlanticism.

-p5

§ ¶I want to tell the news while it's good

It's actually kind of funny.  I went to a birthday party of a high school friend of mine Monday (she goes to the same university, and we're in our finals period, so a lot of people are partying during the weekdays), and I ran into someone else from high school (who also goes here) whom I never really got to know, but always had a fairly good impression of.  We ended up striking up a conversation, and talked about all kinds of stuff for... well, a good, long time anyway.  I'm bad enough with time as is, and drinking always distorts your sense of time more.  In any case, it was the most natural I've talked with someone at a party (whom I just met) I think ever.  I Facebooked her the next day (as we are wont to do now) and then she wrote on my wall.  I wrote her back and said we should hang out sometime; and I just got a message from her saying we should, to call her tomorrow, and gave me her number (which I neglected to get at the party, but only because we both went to the bathroom at the same time and when I got out - I went to the one upstairs - she had already left, even though we said we'd talk more [no biggie, we were drunk]).

Sweet lord, is my luck changing?

But, luck has nothing to do with it.  That, however, is for another post, in a less good mood than I'm in now.

For now... I'll breathe a sigh of relief, go to sleep, ace my exam tomorrow (I hope), and then wait out the evening.

-p5

§ ¶Only for the boys in the band

I've decided to try to get together a band to play at parties senior year.  I say senior year because I'll be in Munich all next year, so senior year's the only real option.  I just think it'd be a blast to play at parties, you know?  Of course, this means beg/steal/borrowing stuff like an electric guitar (I only have an acoustic) and an amp to go with it.  That I'm not too concerned about.  More of a concern is finding people who'd be willing to do it and then get them to learn the songs so we can just start up senior year; it'd be great to start Welcome Week, actually.  It'll be mostly Libertines songs, at least for now - they're just so dancable!  But, I'm sure we'd throw in stuff like the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Dirty Pretty Things, with an occasional original tune thrown in (basically all of the stuff I've written to date is... not for parties).  Anyway, right now it's just kind of a fantasy, but I think it'd be fun.

-p5

p.s. girls suck.

§ ¶This goes out to all the lovers who never got to love

At least the thing I set out to do was accomplished: my friend missed her, as a friend, and I brought it up to her.  Now they talk almost every day, if only on AIM, and they seem to be getting along pretty well, and all that.  So what if she was only leading me on?  What does that matter, in the overall scheme, if a true friendship was renewed through my knowing her?  I'll probably never see her again, after this semester ends.  That's fine.  After all, she didn't impact my life much at all; but she did impact my friend's life.  And he wanted that impact back.  I'm glad I could lend him a hand.

-p5

§ ¶I wrote over four pages

I vainly stained your pages with black ink, only to never see you again.

-p5

§ ¶I've got soul, but I'm not a soldier

There are a lot of things I want to talk about right now, but I don't have a lot of time.  So I'll just write one thing.  More things may come in somewhat quick succession.  But that won't be till later.

My friend's fiancee is back in the U.S. from Iraq.  Finally.  Physically unscathed.  He's not back in town yet, but he's in the States, somewhere.  That's the best news possible, right?  Well, of course.  But, now there's the aftermath of the best news possible: will they get married?  The only real reason they got engaged late last summer was because he was going to Iraq in September.  Will he have changed?  I can't imagine not.  But how?  You can't go through that kind of thing and be unaffected.  While I'm extatic that he's alive and well and home (as good as, anyway), I'm also really worried about her.  Well, them.  He's a friend, too.  We all went to high school together; they've only been a couple for... how long now...? over a year, anyway.  Probably two, now.  It's not a matter of faith... not that I don't have faith in either one of them, or them as a couple.  Faith has little to do with it.  It's whether they can make it or not.  And I just don't know.

But, regardless, this is the best possible thing that could have happened.  So, for now, anyway, I'll cast my fears aside and welcome him with open - wide open arms.

Best to all who have loved ones over there.  May they come home as safe as Dan.
-p5

§ ¶Why do I always fail so hard?

It was about a month and a half or two months ago now, I think, when I really realized this girl liked me.  I don't know how much, but she seemed to like me well enough; maybe it was a little crush, maybe not.  It probably was just a little crush.  But, it was complicated, because it was basically my best friend's most serious ex-girlfriend.  So, I wasn't quite sure how to handle it, and I decided to basically not do anything about it.  But, then I started to like her... that made things more complicated.  Still, I did what I saw in my head as the Romantic (capital "R") thing to do, which was to deny myself what I wanted for the well-being of my friend.  I got to know her a little bit better, actually through a sort-of-but-not-really-journal-thing, which she had.  It's basically a self-portrait, in writing, of who you are; your childhood, right up to your senior year of highschool (which is when you write it); it includes basically anything you want it to.  The idea of falling in love with a girl through such a thing being very romantic, I decided that it would make a good movie; maybe I'll write it some day.  But, through reading this, I really started liking her... so, I cracked a little bit, and started asking people what they'd do in this situation; the answer was almost unanimous: just ask him, for christ's sake.  So, I did.  He laughed and said of course I could ask her out on a date or something.  Well, I asked him probably three weeks ago now, and I haven't been able to really hang out with her since.  She seems to have lost interest.  Perfect.  The one time that a girl truly seems interested in me, I dilly-dally and act the fool, and she loses interest just as I'm smart enough to get the go-ahead.  So, now I'm stuck still liking her, and not sure if she likes me at all anymore, and school's about to end (though we live in the same town), and next year I go to Munich to study abroad.  This is awesome.  Well, I guess there's nothing to do now but figure out if she likes me or not... and it looks like I'll have to do it the hard way.

Poop.
-p5

§ ¶poor life decisions

I am making a poor life decision right now.  And it's awesome.  And it's college.  Man, I need to be in class at ten tomorrow, and I have a paper due at five.  Little things like this did not stop me from drinking tonight.  Sometimes, you just have to go with what's happening.  We killed my Jameson.

It's because this girl, a good friend of mine, IMed me, and was pretty depressed, and asked if we could drink, and so I said of course (mainly because I wanted to console her, and if she was drinking with me, she'd be in my room, and we'd be having a good time).  Well, that led to we three (we two and my roommate) to make poor life decisions, like drinking too much.  We had a good time, though.  I'm thinking it's time to head to bed, though.

Poor life decisions are fun sometimes.
-p5

§ ¶and fuck forever, if you don't mind

So, I just got back from the party where I hoped to, not get with, but get more information on where I stand with this girl.  I'm pretty sure we're not going to be anything but friends, which is kind of a dissapointment to me.  I like her a lot (though it's not as though I want to marry her), and was hoping we could have a little something.  Now, I'm thinking that's not very likely.  She just was not having me tonight.  Which is quite different than the last time we partied together.  But whatever.

Now it looks like the only girl who's interested in me is one of my best friend's ex-girlfriends, who I believe is coming to my room right now.  It's funny, I think that we've sort of had a crush on each other for a while, and I keep putting myself into situations where I'd be tempted, and never give in.  I'm not sure if it's leading her on, it might be, in which case I'd feel pretty bad.  But, it's also, I think, subconciously, a test of strength.  It's me saying, yeah, I can totally do this - or not do this, as the case may be.

Anyway, a night of dissappointments.  It's funny, 'cause I was at one party, and a girl seemed to be kinda digging me, and I left to see this other girl, and she totally was not having me.  Story of my life.  Oh, well.

-p5

§ ¶They all get them out for the boys in the band

So, I've been listening to a lot of the Libertines lately.  And by a lot, I've not really been listening to anything else; this has basically been true for going on a month now, and where you'd think I'd be getting bored with it, I'm just not.  It's not that I get something new every listen - although I often do - it's just that they're amazing and talented, and they just don't get old.  There's at least one line in every song on Up the Bracket that makes me shudder, and not a single song on either of their main albums (need to buy "Don't Look Back Into The Sun" yet) that I find myself skipping.

Now, I'm sure some of you are saying, "Hey, p5, I thought this site was called 'Girls-Suck' - what do the Libertines have to do with that?"  Well, nothing.  But they're totally awesome.

You see, with the girls, nothing ever happens.  Sure, there'll be this one girl who I really like, but she always turns out not to be interested, or has a boyfriend, or both (they are not necessarily coincidal), or something.  Sure, every once in awhile there'll be on that's interested in me (and she seems to be consistantly very interested), but then I'm in the position where I'm the one who's not interested.  My and girls' interests just don't seem to be coinciding.  (There's a word you don't see much twice so close together.)  And, at this point, I'm wondering if it's worth it.  I'll be out of here in a little less than a month and a half, and I'm hoping to study in Germany next year (which may or may not include random posts in German - but I very much hope to be posting interesting and fun stuff while over there), so that doesn't leave too much time to develop anything.

Then, maybe I should be looking for something fun to usher out this year; just someone who I can have fun with and not be too serious with.  I think that'd be nice.  And, I can see that happening with one girl I know.  Maybe.  On the off chance that she is actually interested.  Which brings us to another interesting point: I'm not sure whether to simply ask her out to coffee or something, or whether I should simply party with her, which I'll probably be doing this Saturday, at a mutual friend's house.  I guess I'll probably wait to see what happens Saturday - 'cause lord knows, if something's going to happen, your being drunk will help the chances (you know, the lowering of inhibitions, the casting off of doubt and saying, "Fuck it, I'll just ask her to dance" - which brings me to another topic, which I'll be addressing at another date; I'll just say, dancing is important and can be awesome; and by dancing, I mean stuff like salsa) - and then, depending on what happens, exactly, either ask her to coffee / lunch or not.

She said, "I'll show you a picture, a picture of tomorrow - there's nothing changing, it's all sorrow."
Oh, no, please don't show me!  I'm a swine and you don't wanna know me!

-p5

§ ¶You have those occasionally

It sure was a shitty day for how beautiful it was.

-p5

Some day I will write a treatise.

§ ¶You can tell because their eyes dip

I love it when I catch a guy checking out a girl's ass as I walk past them going the opposite direction.

-p5

§ ¶Chex Mix is pretty tastey...

I had two distinct dreams last night.  The first one, I asked this girl I like out, we went to dinner, and she basically ignored me, then we were walking by my old high school (go figure) and she went off with some other guys.  Pretty harsh rejection.  I got a message from her this morning that said we should hang out soon, though, so hopefully it was a dream, and not a premonition (though I don't believe in those anyway).

The second was by far better.  I dreamt that there was this horror movie, with Kevin Spacey as the monster; most of the time, he looked normal, but he could turn into Chex Mix and create anything he wanted.  (I have no intention of seeing Spiderman 3 and only just now saw the resemblence.)  He could fly and shit, too, kind of badass.  The amazing part, though, was that the hero was Woody Allen.  Woody Allen as the person who's supposed to be all macho and buff and heroic.  Honestly, minus the ridiculousness of the Chex Mix, I think this could be quite an amusing idea.  Throw Parker Posey in there (I thought of this, then remembered she and Kevin Spacey wer JUST in Superman together, but I love her, so I don't care), maybe a couple other people and you've got yourself a romping good time.

And, I guess, because it's Valentines Day (I know I stayed in and did homework),
Girls suck!
And boys, too, I guess.

-p5

§ ¶Boring to the point of tears, actually

I have plenty of things to write about.  I just figure they're all really boring.

-p5

§ ¶It's all one big euphamism, basically

Funny story.  Apparently the walls in this dorm are, shall we say, a bit thinner than one might think.  This became abundantly clear a couple, three days ago when the girl next door to us told us she could hear my roommate singing Dreamgirls, which he does every damn night (hilarious, true).  When we found that out, we started scheming to get her drunk and see what all dirt she has on us.  We said this in our normal voices, I would say.  Yeah, she heard that, too.  So... now we're a little, you know, disturbed by this information, since we do occasionally talk about, to put it euphamistically, sensitive information.  That said, it looks like we're gonna have to go out with her one night (which she wants to do anyway - we three constitute the livelihood of the hall, basically) and find out just how much she's heard.  Amazing.  What's genious is that she wants to be a reporter (and is one for the school newspaper) and he wants to be a politician.  I feel like someone wrote a movie about this, or something.

-p5

§ ¶Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me. Aren't you?

I'm sincerely frightened that I'll turn into Benjamin Braddock once I graduate.

-p5

§ ¶My heart just isn't in it.

They are funny